I'Ll Pay For Good Luck Poem by Maria Sudibyo

I got your phone call
In the middle of cold night
Your voice is vaguely heard
But it's already enough for me to be drown again in doubtful time

Do I still have a right to wander
Or is it my job to be responsible?

I'll pay for good luck
I'll pay for another hope
It's easy to find the reason to give up
But I won't lie for my desire

I'm greed
I'll keep what I could reach
Because no one support me
They only want to mock me
When I leave my shell
And try to be free

I received your short message
In the brim of dark dawn
It could turn my day upside down
And it seems my effort doesn't have a meaning at all

Do I keep following half hearted
Or should I wait until it breaks?

I'll pay for a chance to fight
I'll pay for a glimpse of light
Should I now throw it away?
Because I'm already fed up about what you say

I'm egoist
I need a promise to never again miss
Because no one is truly regret
They never care and forget
When I'm losing
Can give nothing back

I'm digging a hole for my own despair
It's going deep and deep into my soul
Wishing for my fall

I fill my mind with silence and question
I feel like I'm going lost somewhere
In my lone nightmare

For a moment I thought there's nothing wrong
And in sudden my faith is gone
For a moment my heart is strong
But now it begins to crumble

I'll pay for some courage
I'll pay for secret knowledge
I need something to overcome fear
Or just to hold back my tear

I'm liar
I hide my weakness with smile
Because no one ever listen
They only want to pity
How I live my life
And if I survive
In the end