I Lost Again Poem by sundeep sharma

I am wandering along a rough wood…
Wild, Never trodden, Deserted
There is no start there is no end
I am alone, All to myself
The path is wild, Dangerous, Threatening
Even the sun cannot peek through the dense trees
The wind cruel and cold
Trying to blow off everything on its way
And surprisingly no life
Everything is dead.

I am afraid, Feeling miserable
Separated from my world of hope, Thrown away from the brightness
Dreams shattered, Heartbroken
I am weak, soul less and HURT
My feet struggling to move, eyes failing to look,
Ears failing to ignore the sounds around
Heart racing like a mad bull... About to explode
Skin torn and bleeding, Senses failing
Hungry and thirsty but the urge to eat and drink is dead in me...

I tried to be a part of dead… but couldn't… my hope failed me…
I smiled at my misfortune that is keeping me alive

I lost my self...

All of a sudden everything changed
A distant echo
A tone that brought solace to my racing heart
A music that is peace and bliss
A beautiful voice brought my soul back to me

It gave me hope A reason to fight, live and dream

A feeling that I am not alone has set my course
I strained my ears which succeeded by now to fail again...

My limbs fought against me as for they are weak
I searched through void to locate the source of the voice,
Another life amongst the dead

I raced through the woods, jumped from rocks, Swam through marshes
HOPED for wings so that I can reach it faster
The voice seemed to be filled everywhere but nowhere found
And never stopped…
I searched for hours and hours, forgot time
That voice became my only reason for existence
It held the key of my survival
My search continued...

I no longer felt hunger, not at all thirsty
I searched every corner of the woods
I am in every place that I can reach
I looked at every place I could see
I prayed to the mystic voice to appear
To soothe me and to be with me
But still it rang through the woods unreachable, as if the whole world is singing and I am singing…
I thought of giving up but my fear pulled me back
I cried at my fortune that still made me search for a company of life in that hell.


Suddenly I had to stop

Finally pain conquered me... I had to rest
My limbs were like trees with roots deep into the mountain
Still I tried to move with an effort that took what’s left of my energy but in vain
Dark shadows started to Descend on me
It’s not sleep for I couldn't sleep any more
Am not unconscious because I can feel everything around me

I peered into that darkness in shock
My past stared at me With a twisted smile
A shrewd expression and lust in eyes
They are blood red and cold, making me remember most terrible things
Things that one dread to think of, Deeds one fear to commit

Chill ran down my spine, A feeling of hatred made me feel sick
of my past, of me
It continued to stare at me in an indifferent way
Spitting venom in its every stare
I looked beaten in front of my past, Worthless
Its venomous gaze made me shudder
It is a symbol of my ruined existence, A nocent existence which gifted me with this hell
I looked at the figure in the shadow with spite
I wanted to kill it, my temples ached with the sudden burst of anger
My rage towered over me

I wanted to strangle it, burn it, Stab it
But decided against
I wanted to give it hell, the very same hell I am in
I tried to charge at it … to hold it and drag it to hell….
But I am beaten, My own limbs defied me, For I am rusted and couldn't move...

I wanted to run away from my ghastly past
I wanted to seek refuge from the only comfort I had
The voice

My past continued to watch me, my struggle, my defeat

Time continued to run
I never cared about it from the moment I heard the voice
But now I had to...
The more I am in front of my appalling past, the more repelling it became
My urge to run away from it to hide from it is escalating
The need to find the origin of the voice is becoming paramount

What is it? ? ? I don’t know
Where it came from? ? ? I couldn't find
Can I find it? ? ? I think I can, if I can get rid of my devilish past lurking in front of me
What happens after I found it? ? ? I never thought about it
Is it good or bad? ? ?
Is it real or an imagination of my messed up mind? ? ? No answer

I only knew why I need to find it, It is my solace
My link to life, my gravity
my reason of existence, answer to all the above questions
I smiled after a long time.
I am my self again

I did the unthinkable...


I stopped caring about the ghastly darkness in front of me
My body started to relax after what it seemed years
As I relaxed that darkness slowly crept towards me
It tried to conquer me, overpower me
I decided not to resist

The more I detested it, the more sick I feel of myself
After all it is a reminder of what I am in the past
So I let it do what it can do, I submitted myself to the evil

It slowly sneaked on to me, casting its mystic shadow on my spent form
Realizing that I won’t combat it, playing around, finally holding a free rein
It caught hold of me, crawling all over
Closing in from all directions as to stop me evade its vile clutches
It pinned me down, stooped over me and with a final lurch, plunged into me.

Its devilish snare piercing my vision
Its venomous laughter racking hell in my ears
And my own self dishevelled under its destructive possession
The only thing I remembered even then, dancing on my lips...
Assuring me that I am not evil, is the song
A hum, not more than that, Rhythmic, Peaceful, Animated
From the most soothing voice I ever heard
like a tranquillizer
Even in hell, not knowing my destiny

I lost again