I'M Not Fine Poem by mona martinez

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine,
thoughts that keep what i'm doing ok,
there's nothing wrong with me,
i'm fine,
it what keeps the secret hidden,
from ppl from finding out,
why should they know?
is it really their business?
i deal with my problems my way,
do i really need ppl,
they hurt you when you least expect it,
more pain in a world,
you don't want to face reality,
i'm fine, nothing going on,
there nothing to talk about,
who am i trying to convince?
i bearly believe my own lies,
how do i expect others to believe,
i'm fine,
tears coming down with anger,
why not?
i need the release,
i feel numb,
i need to feel something,
first cut,
your mind says 'what are you doing? '
second you want your mind to shut up,
couple of times,
and you get the release that you want,
in total peace with mind and body,
for once you feel like everything makes sense,
nothing is wrong i'm fine,
only to discover,
i'm not fine as i feel,
i made the pain worse,
trying to make it better,
i can't sleep,
i feel panic,
i'm not safe,
i'm not fine,
thoughts are coming to my mind,
that are not right,
what did i do?
i'm not fine.