I Made You The Man You Are - I Think Not Poem by If I say Im lost, Would you come find me

At the age of three, I found you
I called you daddy,
father,
my hero.
As the years past things changed,
you changed.
You tell me i am the greatest thing that has happen to you and i made you the man you are today.
Yet the man i see i could never have made.
Never had forced or even push in that direction.
The acoholc you are,
the abusive,
controlive,
stress causing person you are.
I was never apart of that.
You say you still see me as that little girl in a blue dress,
moving your arm,
so i could sit there in your lap and watch you, with so much curiousity.
That you cant help but to be protective
and you will never give up on me.
I say thats a lie and if it isnt then i gave up on you years ago.
So please, do me the favor of disappearing.
Yet i know you wont,
so i think of the that choice i made that day.
Do i regreat it no,
sadly i wish i could but i cant because with the pain sorrow and neglate.
Has made me the person ive become,
someone that is hard to break,
hard to fall apart in front of a crowd,
and someone that can sit here and put a mask on and make you believe every word i say and you wont doubt me for a second.
Truly it is a gift you have given,
by the pain and misory you have caused me.
but seeing that beer in your hand everyday and you getting drunk.
Truly makes the idea of leaving that 'home',
that nightmare,
that hell,
a dream of complete happiness and joy.
That picture perfect house looks pretty but you try and live there and tell me everything is what it seems.
When you stay for a few mins.
so thanks dad i wont forget how amazing you truly are,
well thats if i ever get to see you sober and not carring a beer in your hand.