I Suspect Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

I suspect...
You are the only one who knows,
What you are doing.
And I suspect,
You also choose the way you feel,
When this you do.
Whether that color is bright,
Sunny and yellow mellow.
Or royal blue to appear as you do,
In the dumps with clouds gray...
That appear to be near you to subdue.

I suspect...
Any cheerfulness you get,
Comes from your chasing of rainbows.
After your eyes have dropped rain...
From many tears you've wept.
With no bucket of gold,
At the end of those chased rainbows.

I suspect...
The happiness I have chosen,
Makes you upset.
Because I wont let you,
Lead my parade...
With a showering done,
Of a negligence you wish to pour on me.
And this I will not accept,
To be in a darkened blackness on bended knees.
Not me!
You wont find me trying to please your disrespect.

I'm on the go and I am green.
Keeping my mind opened,
To experience refreshing beneficial scenes.
Romancing an agony?
You will not find yourself doing that here with me.

I suspect...
There is a controlling of me you wish to do.
In a closeness together...
I will not allow us to get.
Or you attempt to pursue.

And I suspect you have a selfishness.
Since only those things you wish to do...
Disregards what my wishes are with much disrespect.
Yes.
I've noticed that about you too.

And I suspect...
The happiness I have chosen,
Makes you quite upset.
Because I wont let you,
Lead my parade to redirect.

And I suspect,
You are afraid...
I don't need you to make my decisions.
And this you are correct.
I wont live a negativity...
As you do at your best.

I suspect...
You don't know me,
As well as you think you do.

I suspect you believed,
For you I'd be a fool.
Why should I want that kind of life with you?