If I Made A Cowboy Movie It Would Be Like This And You'D Love It Poem by Smack Thompson

Whiskey Stevens was the best
damn piano (but say it pi-ana) player
I ever met: even with that missing pinkie
Whiskey though like most pirates (even the ones never seen a ship)
he wouldn't lay off that rum
which is funny since his nickname was
Whiskey but
he swore it was his given first name
and shouldn't define the kind of drink he
liked
By the time he met Long John Sally
who used to be a woman of ill repute
but now was a run and gunslinger with a revolver
in her boot
his liver was already shot to hell
pickled and rotten
and she was a hacking up clods of greasy blood
from what they called THE consumption
(consumption junction, won't long function!)
Well Whiskey thought he was gonna get lucky
but Long John Sally just wanted to try their luck
at a poker game
so she sat Whiskey down and made the stakes
higher than an opium den junkie
He had the better cards but he also made a crude
joke about Poker (but say it Poke-her)
and Sally whipped out her revolver
faster on the draw than poor Whiskey Stevens
hammered on the hammer AND A GOOD GA'LL DAMN
and poor Whiskey didn't die from liver
failure but head-staying-in-one-piece failure
Sally ain't got an ounce or pint or any other
measurement of remorse and laughs and laughs
but THE MAN UPSTAIRS gets the last laugh
because the laughin' started up a coughing fit
her last and worst
and she comes crashing down on the table stone
dead
cards and chips flying to the heavens
and Whiskey and Sally flying down to hell