In My Subconscious, You Shall Always Remain My Bride Poem by Abdul Samad Latif

The night and the silence conspire to make me suffer
Somehow my heart always rebels, finding peace in the midst of solitude
I rejoice in the abyss of my own existence
In being alone with the Alone

My silence has a reason
The desire for speech has waned in your absence
Absence heightens desire, fuels craving, stokes longing for union
Words and speech are meaningless in the cacophony of existence
Remain silent and suffer
You who remain silent even as words roar in ecstasy
Suffer for now, in the certitude of your insignificance
Sustain the injury, nurse it, and celebrate the wound and the blood and the pain
Break free, defy, bend, transgress, rejoice in the rebellion.

In my subconscious you shall always remain my bride
You who were lost at the altar of my insignificance
The days and nights have become alike, meaningless
Devoid of your sight and your touch and your memory
The soul remains ablaze and afire
Desiring that fleeting look, that one hint of a smile
My heart is such a wanderer
It looks for you in the smile of strangers, in those who suffer
In the ones who have loved and lost and suffered
Everywhere I look, your trace emerges, your shadow appears
And yet you remain painfully elusive

You, who were the confluence of both dreams and reality
Of the past and the future and what lies in between
You, who were the secret and the answer, the mystery and the truth
You who were lost at the altar of my own insignificance
Don't ask me for that which I remain unaware of
Don't question the work of fate, the hand of destiny
You who were lost at the altar of my own insignificance

The night and the silence conspire to make me suffer
I stand outside your door, hoping to catch a glimpse
It's been such a long wait, just one flash will suffice
Curse this foolish heart of mine, this uncontrollable beast
It returns, brimming with hope, with a false promise
What sorcery is this, why does my heart not find rest?

You who were lost at the altar of my own insignificance
You are a dream, and what a dream you are
And you shall remain the dream, the one dream
Unreachable, beautiful, painful, exotic
Don't you understand, in losing you, in letting you go
In the pain of that moment, the strength of the realization
I shall gain myself, embracing my true self
The pain, the agony shall be my reincarnation.
How would you understand this, my love?
You who were lost at the altar of my own insignificance

The Beloved is one, both Immanent and Transcendent
And you are the manifestation of the Divine Essence
I have not lost you, in loving love
In coming to understand the nature of love
I have realized that all is love
My heart is no longer capable of hate and injustice
Your love, the suffering, have cleansed my soul, made me a man
You who were lost at the altar of my own insignificance