Inadvertently, Accidentally Poem by Andrus Cassian

So I set sail alone
not heading for the setting seas
just treading on my own two feet
The destination, I'm unaware
I'm just sinking steadily like a stone in a stagnant pond
a lonely screw lodged in a tire, a screw up
How do I manage every single time
inadvertently, accidentally
contain a sample of the traits worn by the goddess of discord
How do I manage every single time
inadvertently, accidentally
become a different someone while devouring confidence
like a small child consumes candy on Halloween
Am I simply an addict who refuses rehab
addicted to bad decisions?
addicted to making mistakes?
addicted to challenges?
addicted to melancholy?
I could blame it all on the weather
blame it all on the rain
but I'd be telling a story
Rain is oxycotin for this pessimist
rain provides a small amount of optimism
yet these latest weeks
optimism and hope have played the part of Benedict Arnold
have acted like a father who promised to visit
but never manifested into a loving embrace
I guess the trouble lies with the optimistic pessimist
since in the end it all falls apart
it all fall aparts
So I set sail all alone
the destination unknown
I'm not heading for the setting seas
just treading on my two feet
in search for a beautiful serenity
because the one I'm in is killing me