Incompetent Machine. Poem by Simply Ruby

I never quite understood what becoming an adult truly meant. To tell the truth i still don't quite grasp the concept of adulthood.
I certainly don't feel like one.
If i were to describe myself it would be as a little girl trapped in an adult's body not having the slightest idea on how to run the machine.
I should've grown up by now
I should be more mature
Shouldn't i have my life all figured out?
Instead I'm sitting here watching the walls of my pretend castle crumbling around me.
I stare.
It's all i can manage to do.
I am so utterly petrified by the lack of knowledge on how to rebuild those fake walls i so carefully glued together.
So i just watch it crumble.
A smile plastered on my face because no one can know. The machine is ok. Don't let them see the panicked 8 year old pilot crumbling herself.
She is so unprepared. So utterly unqualified for the job yet i know she has been doing her best.
It's not her fault that her best has never been good enough.
I wish she would just quit. Walk out and let the machine rust away in a dark forgotten place.
It wouldn't be much of a change really because I'm already there.
How can she fix it?
How do I fix it?
We're both still just sitting there watching as the facade is stripped away becoming ruins of what we never were.
The water seems to rise a little more every day and we're drowning.
Without moving.
Drowning with barely any air.
The saltiness of the water dripping down my face is a taste I've long gotten used to as we drown ourselves away.
How much more damage can this stupid machine take?
We're still just waiting. Frozen in place. Until nothing but dust remains.
So to that little girl
To my current and former self.
I'm sorry and please.
Oh please. Just.
Look away.