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James Darwin Smith II

(10/6/74 / San Diego, CA)

Into a Paradox that even Confuses the Devil Itself


I drank a case of fear
Words cannot come out
Substance only in fingers
My voice can only speak in metaphorical tones
Alone in an invisible box
Home discreet home

Voices try reaching me
Trust is something I cannot recall
Beaten like a piñata
Taken is candy after candy
Of my own dignity where I try swallowing with pride
Bitterly tasted, a redundant recluse
Hidden in a full society
With expressions expressed facially all on my own

What is love anyhow?
Do I really want to know again?
My social skills are depleting
Dwindling are my hopes and ambitions
As light fades away
Into a misery I roam alone

All becomes well
Safety in this lone number
Intoxicated by fear
Drunken by misery
Misanthropically inclined in this own brooding within
Becoming something I use to fear
This monstrosity within I have come to love
Growling for suffrage
Adapted by the haunting of my own phantasmagoria’s mental designs

All is miserable, all is fine
Flesh rotting away
Death becomes my living, breathing apathy
I am a triple cancer
I am not a representative of just three sixes
Behind those three sixes are also three nines


I am a cancer, No not the sign
A nebula of disaster
Torrid in this heated confinement
Trying to seize this darkness
So my eyes can finally have no vision
A paradise if only I was blind

Fear made me hate
I drink the blood of my own mistakes
Silence upon my own intent
Who am I to kill anyone, if not at all?

The world sees me differently
A phantom of disillusion
It was I who made me, myself and I a monster
Burnt from head to toe
My blood own bloodstains on my face
This creation of who I am
Was done by my own fearful design

As I cry this fear out
These lava tears boil upon my flesh
Pain seems to be my only lover
But pleasure is nowhere to be found

I hate fear so dearly
Must take it out on myself
I am the burden of my own hell
For I am the Satan of my own mind

If only I could die and be done with it all
But death ignores me
For I am immortal in my own retched destitution
My own hell where I will never ever die

Fear destroyed me
I shall help it destroy others
Misery loves its company
Come inside the fires of my own misanthropic design

I drank a case of fear
Liquids made from the snake of Eden
And now I shall be the demise of all of mankind

Possessed by Lilith’s heart so black to the core
Humanity will exist no more

She will now stake a claim to evolution
Our new mother, as nature lays dwindling in misery
Impaled by the arrogance of humanity
Pawns of Lilith’s revenge
As I became the source of all twisted agony


All is doomed
There is no plan B ahead
Death, it is knocking on our Mother’s door
Only a manmade atrocity will now become our home hell home

I woke up
All was a nightmare
Till I looked over
And there was Mother growling ever so guttural in agony
Lilith, even you are now diseased
Welcome to your own world
Your head is the only place that hell will ever call home

I once had amnesia but now I truly know, I was Lilith all along

A Paradox of misery, I am truly the Queen of this home hell home
My head is a disaster; won’t you come and bring me your soul?

There is no moral to this story
I know that I will never ever be alone

Submitted: Thursday, May 09, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, September 17, 2013

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Written on 5/9/13

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