Judge Me Poem by Lara wolf

I see me writing on this paper
praying for some savior
writing out every fear and every doubt
I wish you could hear me scream for help inside myself
don’t get me wrong I love this life
and I believe it’s worth all this strife
it’s just that I’m lying
coz I’m still crying
every day and every night
coz I can see I’m such a sore sight
-I always will-that is until- I can find something that can fill me up-
stop me from second guessing myself
always obsessing over wealth
stressing over my behavior
coz I know I can’t be your savior
and when I look into your eyes all I can see is this mirror
where my eyesight is so hithered-that its blurred
and I’m obscured into this ghost of what i used to be
I wish you could see I’m not me- yeah I’m not free
I’m being held captive somewhere in cave
it’s like I’m my own slave
there’s nothing here no not anymore
the real me is hiding from the monster even now I hear her snore
& all I see is this annoying girl
with her head all in a whirl
of sickening regrets
that over-and over at night she frets
her thoughts are like mental nets
she’s caught in she’s tossing and turning
begging and squirming
to escape its grasps
and then she gasps for air
but there’s none there
&I know the reason why you judge me is coz i judge me first
and when I do it's the worst
its like a daily torture
coz when I judge it’s such a scorcher
yeah its like I’m on fire
but with hate rather than desire
coz I know I’m just a liar
since I believe I have no worth
please just judge me first