Life In A Shell Poem by ahlaam shah

As I pick up my pen to vent out on these pages
All the thoughts, feelings and words come running down
Feels like it has been ages…

As the night descend,
I am absorbed by demons of the past and dreams of the future
Hoping this scuffle would end…

Its gloomy, its lonely,
The darkness haunts me
Yet it is favorite part of my day because its mine solely…

Some things I lost, but some things I still covet
Between dreams and regrets, I feel split,
To hope again, to trust again, not easy even a bit…

What I did, what I gave all my life,
The care, the love, the sacrifice
Why couldn't I get any of it without strife…

Despised and looked down by the closest ones
Enough to kill, need no guns…

Kin who I looked up to for comfort and solace
Condemned myself, leaving for me no breathing space…

Bullied for things not in my control
Left in my heart a hole
Crushed my esteem and
Made me desperate to shed my skin and go awol…

I yearn for a touch, a bond with a soul,
To resonate with a heart, that would make me whole…

I fancy an embrace, that puts all pieces back together,
But dread the abandonment that comes after…

Torn between all the good I want and all the bad that could happen,
I fail to cherish and avail what is infront of me often…

Someone not just broke my heart but shattered my being,
So how am I going to find you,
when from my feelings I keep fleeing…

I never lost my faith
despite what happened, I know you exist
and I will wait…

I will wait for u to come
and be for me what I was to someone…

I will live my fairy tale I will have my adventure
Just put a little effort to make me believe
and I will surrender…