Herbert Nehrlich

(04 October 1943 / Germany)

Loveable Limericks # 3


He lived through the intubation
and the five hour operation.
Then went back to his bed
where he slept and fell dead
from protacted emaciation.

A prominent Seattle teacher
had a very unusual feature.
She had buns like a horse
(they had led to divorce) .
Though a horse is a handsome creature.

In the free-thinking city of Leeds
they were smoking the Godfather's weeds,
'til they pulled up the rugs
and found heftier drugs
and experienced much greater needs.

In the city of Tokyo proper
lived a druggie by name of Hopper.
He would sell you some snow
and collect all your dough,
but one day he was shot by a copper.

Once a bum with his whiskey flagon,
looked like Oskar the bearded dragon.,
He drank all of the booze
and he soon made the news.
He was found in a honey wagon.

When a man who was married to Shirl
at a party did give it a whirl,
in the morning he woke
and, half sleeping he spoke
but he called her, mistakenly, Pearl.

When a boxer by name of Keith
got knocked down and was trapped underneath,
when the countdown commenced
he became quite incensed
and attacked by the use of his teeth.

It was Sunday on Malibu Beach
when I noticed a blonde (full of bleach)
so I asked her 'Please Dear
could you possibly smear
on this sunscreen where I cannot reach.'

When I took her to Harrison Spa
it was custom to take off your bra.
I'm a bit of a saint
and was ready to faint,
to this day I'm still much in awe.

If you smoke you will suffer bronchitis
eating junk foods brings full-blown colitis.
Only drinking preserves
all your organs and nerves
and may help prevent tonsillitis.

I'm partial to Limburger Cheese,
and will eat great big pieces with ease.
Though it smells like old socks
that have been in a box
I prefer it to carrots and peas.

The young father had made his decision,
he was truly a man of great vision,
so they cut without numbing
while the mother was humming
but the BOY had the circumcision.

On the lawn sat the Easterbunny
they were hiding behind the old Dunny,
she was spreading her legs
to let roll out the eggs
'Do stop laying', he said to his honey.

In advance of Ceasarian Section
you must give her the proper injection.
There is seldom a need
for this horrible deed,
it's an iatrogenic selection.

An Idaho-bound covered wagon
rolled over a gray bearded dragon
then the Indians attacked
to obtain what they lacked.
It was whiskey they found in the flagon.

Into town came a ragged lone rider
with his horse on a fibreglass glider.
Went to the saloon
where he ordered a spoon
and a soupbowl of crabapple cider.

Submitted: Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Edited: Thursday, May 20, 2010

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