M/D Ramblings: Heaven Poem by bradley blue jay phipps

'There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - the principle is contempt prior to investigation.' *
- Herbert Spencer (Found in Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous - appendix 2 Spiritual Experience)

I started this 10 (now 15-18) days ago, and lost the draft. Don't think I hit delete, but it's gone, so logic would not say something, I believe, which leads right into the subject. Belief and unbelief. If scripture were to be my epitaph it would be, '...I do believe, help my unbelief.' (Mark 9: 24) . And, yes, I do find, even for myself, that quoting scripture can be off putting.

The beginning of Ridley Scott's epic motion picture, Kingdom of Heaven, opens with a wonderful view of the French Alps. It is evening, and the Priest and gravedigger are out at the crossroads to bury a corpse. A beautiful woman, as pale blue beautiful women go, but why the crossroads? Why not the cemetery of the sanctified church? Suicide. No get out of hell free card for that. It's even off with the head, as superstition continues on to this day with the nuances of the undead who walk about.** (Why are vampires so interesting, and make so much money for people?)


Sadly, though, I believe the reason for the burial at the crossroads was much more heinous, and a lot less scary than the undead. Follow the money. In the time of the Crusades and Dark Ages fewer living, believing members of the church/state meant less in the coffers to run said state. The weapon of the enemy is the lie, and the easiest lies to believe are about power and money. Then sex, but that is another subject for another time.

The question was asked of me weeks ago about my belief that the mother of my children, who committed suicide, was in Heaven. I do not for one second believe someone loses their place in Heaven over suicide, but I do believe you must first get yourself a place, a ticket, so to say. So with that, I may lose some folks here, but I am no right wing evangelical member of the moral majority. (I do, however, believe Mr. Falwell, a good man, who stuck to his beliefs, and in every encounter that I saw, conducted himself as a gentleman.) I will not try to convince you that following, Jesus, is the way or truth or path. I will just say that I am a believer, that I believe He came to save the world from itself, and with out Him, I could not stop drinking. To believe is a choice, and there are many things, paths and substances to choose from out there. I have tried, over the years, to escape into many different ones. Mostly drugs, alcohol and sex, but dabbled in Buddhism and a Native Amer ican type of spiritual path. All left me empty.


I was reading a lovely book last night that I had picked up at the local library for $1.00. It is written by a very famous Japanese author, Yukio Mishma, the title is, 'Spring Snow.' On page 48 he wrote,


'For everything sacred has the substance of dreams and memories, and so we experience the miracle of what is separated from us by time or distance suddenly being made tangible. Dreams, memories, the sacred - they are all alike in that they are out of our grasp. Once we are even marginally separated from what we can touch, the object is sanctified; it acquires the beauty of the unattainable. The quality of the miraculous. Everything, really, has the quality of sacredness, but we can desecrate it at a touch. How strange man is! His touch defiles, and, yet, he contains the source of miracles.'


We are the source of miracles, and I see that every time I go to an AA meeting. We are a group that would not normally mix (Big Book) , and there, in rooms all over the word, people of different faiths and persuasions are sharing the 'grasp' we have in common - A Spiritual Awakening. (That is the object of the 12 steps.***) A Spiritual Awakening is not so far out of reach, but, I, personally, can defile it with a thought. Because of this the person across the room or sitting next to me has a huge responsibility. They are there to believe when I cannot, and there are days, weeks and even months when my ability to believe is squandered or lost in the transitions of my thoughts. The lies I believe. Those I make up and those whispered in my ear. Those I read and see.


The mother of my children was a believer. She believed, Jesus, was her Savior before I met her, and while she later removed herself from the overbearing manner of religion and the exclusive church, as I have done, she also quit going to meetings. She took herself out of the loop of the sacred. There was no one close, and I mean physically close, to believe for her when she could not. She cut herself off from any hope because she believed the lie being whispered in her ear. She wasn't taken out, so that hell gets a point in the 'game' of Heaven or hell. She was taken out because her story can be used to help someone else. Me for one, and I pray that in the future it will help, not hinder, my children (all early 20's) .


There is someone out there right now, who may by chance read something here, or a poem from someone else, and see the lie for what it is. They will seek the help they need, some of which might be, no, is a communion with other people. Those who have had a Spiritual Awakening, and believe, made the choice to believe, in a power greater than themselves. For a period time that power could be a group of people who are willingly sharing their lives, the good and bad, so that others may live.


A Spiritual Awakening has a physical aspect to it, as well, a tangible aspect. Getting in your car and driving to a meeting is a physical prayer. Calling someone or texting is a physical prayer. Saying, 'Yes, Ma'am.' and 'No, Sir.' These are prayers, and prayers keep the Spiritual Awakening alive, while helping to keep the lies out.


How do I know the mother of my children is in Heaven? Because I have had the same Spiritual Awakening hundreds of millions of people have had for the last 80 years, and God has told me it is so. 'When we drew near to Him (made the choice) , He disclosed Himself to us.'****


Author notes

I am only a man with a diagnosis of manic/depression and a recovering alcoholic. These are my thoughts and my beliefs from my journeys to and from the ledge. (I am afraid of heights.)


*Herbert Spencer (27 April 1820 – 8 December 1903) was an English philosopher, biologist, anthropologist, sociologist, and prominent classical liberal political theorist of the Victorian era. Spencer developed an all-embracing conception of evolution as the progressive development of the physical world, biological organisms, the human mind, and human culture and societies. He was 'an enthusiastic exponent of evolution' and even 'wrote about evolution before Darwin did.'


** Historically, burial at cross-roads was the method of disposing of executed criminals and persons who have committed suicide. Cross-roads form a crude cross shape and this may have given rise to the belief that these spots were selected as the next best burying-places to consecrated ground.After the introduction of Christianity, criminals and suicides were buried at the cross-roads during the night, in order to assimilate as far as possible their funeral to that of the pagans. Superstition also played a part in the selection of crossroads in the burial of suicides. Folk belief often held such individuals could rise as some form of undead (such as a vampire) and burying them at crossroads would inhibit their ability to find and wreak havoc on their living relations and former associates.



*** Step #12 - 'Having had a Spiritual Awakening because of these steps, we tried to carry the message to other alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.'



**** 'Page 57 of Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, 'We Agnostics.' Last sentence of chapter.



Do you think it strange that 2 of the most widely published and translated books in all of history have to do with a personal Spiritual Awakening? Isn't it ironic that I use a quote from one of the 19th centuries English philosophers who was a staunch proponent of evolution. Hey, I have trouble with the Bible. Always will. Who is to say there is not a little truth in each.