Manawa- One Year On Poem by Turuz Hautapu

Forever is not long enough

I Love You just won't do

Grieving isn't quite the pain

That I'm going through



I Miss you is just a statement

Always does not quite fit

Memories, of a candle,

That has yet to be lit



My days are not the same

My nights are always long

Wishing and waiting

To sing you your favourite song



Memories constantly continue

Thoughts of what you're like

Images of you, my beautiful ginger tyke



I smile because of my memories

Then cry in the same breath

Because in all of my worst nightmares

It is you that has left



Then I realise these nightmares are reality

A reality that is full of fear, hurt,

Pain and remorse that now reside within me



I remember that call

The one I wish I never received

It was then that I was denied

All that I had ever believed



One year on and I still remember its tearing and searing pain

I've tried to make you proud my nephew

But maybe it's all in vain



Ever since that day it's like I'm in a dream

Where the world keeps spinning

But my mind has been stripped clean



I keep thinking of things I could have done different

Maybe, just maybe, if I hadn't gone to work the night before

I wouldn't experience this pain that pushes me to my limit



Maybe if I didn't take you and your sister that weekend

You wouldn't have gotten sick

And this excruciating pain would end



Then it hits me, what I'm feeling is nothing

The ache in your mother, father and sister

Sorrow is not what they are lacking



What they are feeling I could never fathom

Yet they manage to do what needs to be done,

It must be beyond scary and random



So, at the end of the day all we can do

Is carry on and stumble through

There's no answer for this disaster

But it has brought our close family closer



He kakano koe no rangiatea

He uri o te kaahui rere me te kaahui tapu

He tamaiti o te wharetapu me Airani

He mokopuna o nga paheke i takea mai ki tenei whenua me ena rite ki te moa

He tamaiti o nga tangata taketake o Aotearoa

Ko koe te wairua o ena kia hipa atu me enei e heke mai

Mau i nga taonga o ona mata eaoia pupuri i nga pakiwaitara me nga kuru pounamu o muri

Taamokohia enei kupu ki tou ngakau katahi me pupuri ki tou rae kia kore koe e wareware

he rerenga kotuku koe, taku uri, taku wairua, taku kanohi, taku oranga.