Martin Van Butchell (1736-1812) Poem by Sheena Blackhall

Son of a tapestry maker to George II, King
Butchell was born beside Red Lion Square,
Skilled dentist and anatomist, doctor of everything
Van Butchell fashioned trusses with consummate skill and flair

In Mayfair, he treated ruptures, and anal fistulas
He charged two guineas for a consultation
A full set of false teeth cost 80 guineas
With springs, gold pivots, wondrous innovation

He made and sold gents corsets, drawers, and garters
Wrote whimsical newspaper adverts, this odd physician
He wore a weird costume, grew a long beard
Carried a large white bone as a defence weapon.

Hyde Park was one his favourite riding haunts
On a white pony, he painted with stripes or spots
One of his quirks, he refused to make house calls
Spurned a fee of 1000 guineas, could not be bought

He invented cork-lined stirrups to hold his boots
He invented a bridle that had a horse's blind
That he could raise or lower over its eyes
To black out things to affright it, well designed

He refused to call for his children by their names,
Choosing to whistle for each child instead.
His wives were allowed to dress in black or white
And he always dined alone, or so it's said

His first wife Mary died and was embalmed
She was filled with powdered nitre, glass eyes added
She was dressed in a gown, and set in plaster of paris
With a glass lid on the coffin, in limbo stranded

And in his house the corpse lay on display
For folk to gawp up, for Mary's will was bound
By a clause that provided Van Butchell with an income
As long as his dead wife stayed above the ground

When he remarried, his second wife objected,
So Mary was gifted to the Hunterian
For 166 years, her corpse remained there
Till an air raid bombed her body to shards of skin

Poor Mary, it seems, did not age well embalmed
A viewer remarked the best thing was her teeth
Wizened an hideous, horrid to look upon
The bombing, then, was a merciful release