My Angel... Poem by K J

Breath laboured
Sensations a blur
Vision bleak, marred by
A thick cloud of film

My heart pounding
Tearing me
I think of you
In these moments

I think of your words
I imagine what it would
Be like to see you
Smile, laugh, cry and hold me
After this long year
And countless months
Of speaking

Many lonely nights have passed
Yes! I am still counting...
I guess that is all I have left
To count upon
To reason with
To hold on to

I try to find things
To distract me
A momentary reprieve
From the inevitable

I met the girl today
Did you know
I don't know
If I told you about her

Can you believe there is a cute female
In this world so close in mind to me
That can analyze and debate
Fine arts, literature and poetry
Talk about past, talk about failures... yet never be judged
And can understand what I am trying to
Portray with my words?
A scholar if you will
Far too advanced for my mere perspectives
But respected and valued all the same

Remember that girl, that image I showed you?
I think my dear I tend to forget how she unsettled me!
Was I selfish to show her to you
To talk about her with such abandon
Such happiness

The difference my dear
Is that she is here
You are not
I can see she has potential
To be a good friend to me
She will keep me grounded
I admire her
Such a cute girl
Isn't she?

A girl? Ha! I refer to her as such
And yet what am I?
But merely a few thousand years older than her
What does that make me?
A ghost? an undead? A child of darkness?

Forgive me I shall not
Speak of her again
But I know that you know
Hold onto that thought
Before you decided to
Break my heart
Or abandon me

I admire her, I respect her
She shall be a good companion for me
In the times of your absence
But you have my heart
Remember that
You always will
It's yours
And yours alone.

To toy with
To rip open
To shatter and destroy
But most of all to heal
And to love
Can you heal this heart
Oncemore?

I don't know
How many times I can
Do this
Forgive! Yes!
But forget...
No

But I love you
That must count for something
And you feel the same
You cannot bare to hurt me
You say that it hurts you when you do so
And yet you do so time and time again

Can you feel
Can you bleed
Are you made of stone
I know that deep inside
You care
Your words are words
If you didn't care
You wouldn't persue
Continue with this
Do this

Am I right?

I wait for you
As I do every night
For something