My Attempt At Shoplifting Poem by Donna Pelan

Thought I'd try my hand at gardening
Dug up some lawn out by the shed
Planted enough seeds to sow an acre
When a 10 foot square was all I had

It took no time for the seeds to germinate
They grew an inch or two each day
It soon became necessary to thin them
I almost felt guilty throwing the extras away

I put in some stakes beside the tomatos
A place for them to lean - I thought
Made a mental note to tie them sometime
But as usual - I soon forgot

I was shopping one day at Herbies
The store was up besides the K-Mart
I had taken quite a list with me
And proceded to fill my cart

There were fruit in there of every color
And there were fresh vegetables galore
I was filling up my cart in no time
When I noticed something on the floor

Someone had upset a box of twist ties
All over the place they were spread
I started walking over them
When thoughts of my tomatos entered my head

So I casually reached down and scooped a handful
Thinking luckily they were green
I'll just throw them in with the broccoli
And then they won't be seen

So I finished shopping and went to the cash
The cashier seemed shy and very new
We exchanged a few pleasantries
And continued to push the groceries through

When she picked up the bag of broccoli
Low and behold there was a large hole
About 50 or 60 twist ties feel out
All over the counter below

The awkwardness of the situation
Soon became the order of the day
Neither of us knew how to act
Just where to look - or what to say

Today I would have laughed, or cracked a joke
But back then I was pretty shy
I could feel my face getting very red
And I couldn't look her in the eyes

She wasn't sure just what to do
Or what venues she could explore
She reached over and grabbed the ties
And they feel all over the floor

We finished the grocery packing in silence
I just needed to get out of there
I paid my bill as quickly as possible
Needed desperately some fresh air

Finally got outside and headed for my car
And as best I can recall
I started laughing uncontrollably
At the absurdity of it all

I passed a couple of people
Laughter tears were flowing fast
I'm sure they questioned my sanity
And wondered if I were out on a day pass

I decided to give up shoplifting
I'd forget this day after a time
It can be pretty embarassing
This attempt at a petty crime.