My Broken Mirror (2 Of 3) Poem by Jordan WCJ

Cold sweats and no sleep
Sitting in the bathtub hoping I’ll just sink
Reading the back of pill bottles
Hoping one would take me from this brink
What a selfish way to go
I should really write this in ink
I know your probably upset
Surprised to know I still think about why I know I’m not the best
Surprising none the less
it’s nothing compared to the rest
These four walls still scare me
They remind me of when I was depressed and scared me
Looking at myself
Knowing I’d never be free
Because people just get old and die
No glee
Why can’t I just be happy
Why can’t things just close
Why can’t I let go
It’s putting up a heavy toll
I still have trouble looking at myself in this broken mirror
Blood over my knuckles
But for some reason I’ll chuckle
And say to myself I’m one crazy mother f*ck*r
To think that I was anything but nothing
It’s a sick idea that should have been muzzled
Maybe I just need to be ruffled
Maybe I’m overreacting
Maybe I’m just exaggerating
Or maybe I just have a cavity
Because that’s the pain I feel from those headaches
They’re ravaging
Killing me from the inside
Hoping I’ll just be another tragedy
But
I broke the mirror
Hoping it would be less
Hoping no one would follow me to the gallows
Just hoping for the best
But it seems as I broke it I turned into a mess
A Depressive psycho who just doesn’t know what’s best.
Maybe it’ll pass
Maybe I’m only livid because I keep thinking this is my last
My heart just burns for these evenings to pass
But
It’s just a game
How could It make me
Cry everyday
How could it give me
Headaches that last all day
And make me only write about sad things
That make me wanna sway
Damn
That lil boy’s brains
I still shiver at night
And No hugs no way
C’mon chin up Jordan
Your fine
There’s no reason to be afraid tonight.