James Roberts (21 October 1981 / Saginaw, Michigan)
I am a man,
A wondering man,
And I do not know where
Life has taken me,
But from what I see,
Life is not too great,
For I seem very confused.
I do not know where I was the other day,
For I am homeless,
And I walked into nowhere,
Not sure of where to go at all.
I carry this pack on my back,
Not really sure what to do,
And I don’t know where to go,
For this road is long,
And I don’t know what to do.
I remember I was a young man once,
And I had many choices to make;
I had all the love in the world,
All the friends I could ever have,
And everything I could ever want.
I was a happy man,
And it was perfect,
Until my parents died,
For that was when I became homeless.
They died without saying good-bye.
I now walk the streets,
Not sure what to do,
Carrying a knapsack on my back,
Trying to survive,
And I do not know what I think,
But in fact I don’t think at all,
But follow my instincts
And go wherever they lead me,
And I fight to survive.
I travel through the city,
I travel through the country;
I walk by day;
I walk by night;
I rarely get any sleep,
For the predators can be very near;
I fight for my survivor,
Like an animal in the night,
And I continue to wander on.
Sometimes, I wonder if I have a name,
Because it seems like I have forgotten it,
For I feel like an animal all the time,
For I have followed my instincts for so long,
And I wonder what I am,
For I do not even know if I am human anymore,
And more often than not,
I wonder who I am,
For who am I?
I have only vague memories,
And nothing that sets me apart from the animals I hunt.
I wonder if I have a choice at all,
What choice I could ever have,
That may set me apart.
Do I have a choice?
Now, I know I am thinking now,
After all that travelling
And living like a beast
Or an animal.
I am in the middle of nowhere,
But there is a small town up ahead,
As I carry my knapsack with me.
What should I do?
Should I become a human again
Or remain a barbarous beast?
I know not what to do.
I feel tired of being the barbarian,
The beast in the night,
The monster in the dark,
The creature who guards the road.
If I remain a beast,
It is unlikely I should survive,
And I will never know human emotions,
Such as sadness, madness,
Anger, envy, greed,
But most of all,
Happiness and love.
I will never know any of these things,
For these are emotions long forgotten in my life,
For I fight for my survival,
And must scrounge for anything I can,
But yet, it does have its good side,
For I will not be persecuted like I was in my childhood,
And I won’t have to worry about being
Treated like a monster.
Yet, I want to be human,
For I can experience emotions,
The things I always wanted to have,
And I can experience love,
Brotherhood and friendship,
Living a good life,
With morality in the background,
For I know what I want to do.
I want to be able to have a home,
To have clean clothing,
And food I can have to survive,
But the only downfall is that I will have
To learn to become human again,
But that will not be a problem,
For I can be patient.
But, I will be human again,
And this is my choice,
For I am tired of being the animal
Who has slowly taken everything
From my humanity,
And now I will gain it back,
And I will be happier than ever before.
Comments about this poem (My Choice by James Roberts )
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