///My Heart Bleeds Poem by akram saqib

///My Heart Bleeds

Rating: 3.8


My heart bleeds
But face smiles
The tears tore eyes
But for a while
Love is strange phenomenon
O my friend
Cannot be concealed
With any guile

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Rajkumar Mukherjee 20 October 2009

Dear Akram, Thanks for your invite to read and comment on your poem 'my heart bleeds' which iI enjoyed. Its a lovely little poem with a nice message and almost perfect rhyming barring the two suggestion I feel like making to strengthen your appeal of the poem. 1) In L5, you can remove 'phenomenon' which seems to be out of place. 2) you can also change 'cannot' to 'can'i' more poetic use This will give a proper symmetrical rhyming of the poem in the format of 3-3 in all verses except one in 4-4 verses. I commented so much since I likrd the poem. Rated highly Rajkumar

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Obinna Eruchie 20 October 2009

Yes, no matter how you try to veil it, love will show through you.

0 0 Reply
Obinna Eruchie 20 October 2009

Yes, no matter how you try to veil it, love will show through you.

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