My Mother Was A Petrie Dish Poem by Clyde King

My mother was a Petrie dish
My father was the donor
I grew up like a jellyfish
No wonder I'm a loner

Life's not easy with such a start
Gelatin don't taste like breast milk
You make little bubbles when you fart
Your ass don't get wiped with silk

One day they put me in this place
So dark so moist so warm
I felt a heartbeat on my face
My toes began to form

For nine long months I called it home
Then one day it all ended
I got thrown out without a comb
I was quite offended

I found this hound who took me in
Life seemed so completed
I lived on roe and quarts of gin
I was royally feted

There came a day when she said 'Son
Get a job or just get OUT! '
I learned to act to have some fun
Who cares what it's about

Now I live in Malibu
I've just made a movie
Life is great for you know who
Thanks to mom the Petrie

June 2017