Old Recording Poem by Casey Gochnour

Pressing “Play”, watching life as it comes without stop,
Seconds, minutes, hours pass by… days, weeks.
Pause, rewind back to the moments that leave my heart weak,
Memories of your lips on my cheek.

Rewind back to the times where we were… we,
When we were back in the times of you and me,
It’s felt like an eternity since the heartbreak of the century,
Never a cut so deep, never such injury.

Time and time again, even in the hospital,
Even when you’ve seen me bleeding out,
Nothing ever hurt as much as this bout.
Nothing has ever been such an obstacle.

Pause, back at the moment where we first talked in that room,
The room we talked endlessly, the room we talked all night.
Forever and a half passed us by as we were consumed in our light.
At that moment I knew already, I knew that love was in sight.

Fast-forward, still, “innocence” flows through my veins as you see it,
And I, with eyes like a hawk on your delicate figure, as I saw fit,
Oh how beautiful, how gorgeous, how loving you have always been,
My thoughts toward such an angel were utmost obvious sin.

Fast-forward to the moment where we first kissed, what a scene to behold,
Butterflies everywhere, heat rising in our chests from an act so bold.
Love shining from every direction, as from the purest gold,
Leading to love in it’s entirety with actions untold.

Back to the present, as I watch time pass by,
Everything moving past me, and I’m still stuck wondering why.
Why did you have to go? Why did you leave me so?
When we were just learning to live and let go?
When we were just learning to get up and grow?

Looking back, now it seems just another sad movie to take out of the player,
Just another stone around my heart; another layer,
Mother hoped it wouldn’t be like this, she’s speaking another prayer,
Blinded by the moments as a failure surveyor.

I feel you pushing me away, how I miss you pulling me to stay,
Cut down by the things you say,
The sound of my heart like the beating of a broken drum;
A guitar without the strings to strum;
A cracked throat attempting to hum;
A gardener without a green thumb…

People can tell, and I went out today,
I had a good time, I guess I was okay.
I always seem happy, as you know I love to talk,
But I’m always checking my phone and that never-ending clock.

Just waiting for a text, just waiting for a sign,
Waiting for you to show that you still want to be mine.
You’re so far away, and I’m looking at you through the glass,
Picking you out from any great mass,
Because you’re the only one I can see.

Life has been offering distractions, but that’s not what I want.
Every moment apart leaves memories that haunt.
I can laugh, I can smile, I can be happy for a while,
But the second the facade is gone,
You’re only on my mind.

I just wish I knew how to get you back,
This, I wish I didn’t lack.
Because I’m starting to lose track,
Of myself.

Pressing play, but now I’m stuck in the past,
The recording is broken that I wanted to last.
The dream of you and me,
Rising together at dawn,
Seems forever gone.