Old Struggles Poem by Hasan Haskovic

Different
The similarities
Of our kind
That we left behind
Once we went away
Once we left the shells of an empty mind

Similar
The differences
Between earth and sky
No solid ground beneath my feet
And no cloud in my reach
That's why...

...Everything seems more near
Than happiness
Even the sky, even the sky
And sometimes I'd rather disappear
When asked
To decide the worth of my bones

Just stones that we carry
In our chests
Just poison that flows
Through our veins
Where is the heart and the soul?
I'm afraid I don't know

So all I can do is move forward

I know I seem worn
But it is your aspirations to blame
Do not cry nor mourn
Just leave me to shame
So I can choke in their heights

The fear, cemented in place
While bridges between people burn
No summer, winter nor rain
Can shaken the fear, put out the fire

All that's ever left is scars
No deeper than my soul
And spoken words
It is up to me if I wish to be remembered
Yet no room for carrying out thirds
Maybe best off unmentioned
My name, my shame, my blame

So all I can do is look skyward

Ambivalent, shaken in composure
I...I can't even remember
The last time my soul
Was as clean as my conscience
No room for dirty hands nor minds
In a world filled with filth
Rise above it and maintain
The happiness, not disdain

I'm not who you wanted me to be
And I never will, mother
I do not fear your heavy hand
And I never will, father

They all say we'll get through it
We have to
And I admit
I'm just afraid the ending won't last
That I'll forget it
The way I felt before
Loose the experience of a youth
To give over to a emotionless adulthood

And I'm certain
That I'll just move forward and look skyward
That it's all I can do
While I dream of lost days
While I look at you

I can't believe
All the things I went through
Yet you testify for the happiness
That I had lacked as I grew

That I had lacked before I met you