One Wall To Hold A Fortress Poem by Kitty Marie Lucas

one wall to hold a fortress
to hold the armor
that held the girl
you'll never know how much
of a blazing fire
i actually felt

i lied,
i said i didn't hope for much
but secretly,
i hoped for everything

that restless,
relentless,
pervading
doubt
probably broke us
before i knew the sentence

and in foolishness
i let it all out

how could you ever have hoped
to be strong enough to save me
when i insisted you could never be?

i became an icy Winter
to defeat the warm shades of Fall
defensively assuming
the constant cold
would be more personable
than your patience
and optimism

i was wrong
and there aren't many men
who have laid me with that i'll say that to

the suspicion
the doubt
the 'i know, but i don't know how'
waves of worry
without any way out

i acted like we never had a shot
to protect my heart
when it didn't even help
you never saw what i really thought
and i regret now
not enjoying myself

it's all i can do to forgive you your cold feet
because i didn't give you credit
for holding on so long
i can't blame you for admitting your defeat
after all, i was the one that led you on