Open Heart Poem by Laquory Jones

I've been known to open my heart all the way sometimes
I catch myself thinking all day so many things just clicks on
Replay if only there were things I could really change about
Me you know that I would I was a kid thinking the same
If I could only make people that was around me happy
Excluding self then I could inquire wealth inside me
I was in need of dire help looking back I self-reflect
Many fell to their untimely deaths sometimes it takes
My breath you see I couldn't make it to their funerals
Each one has taken parts of me I've lost each one of
You for all eternity I became a disgrace to my family

My parents would never again live happily that became
A horrible tragedy but indeed I have to face reality
I'm constantly grappling to find different strategies
My mechanism of a way to cope the pain has taken
Its toll I cry in intervals eyes displaying its water-works
But Am I mature enough? After all the things that I feel
That I had to endure to you it might not seem like much
Yeah I admit that I'm young but inside I feel like I'm really
Tough but I'm broken inside something inside me has
Really died so many times at the break of night I look
Back on my life and how it all could have ended in the
Last couple of years people had instilled in fear I've
Witnessed people disappear but no one wanted to
Listen so now they're gone forever from here it has
Never gotten any better when it rains we're taught to
Withstand the weather from the heart I've written out
This letter many times before but nothing ever gets
Returned what is it about life that I could never learn

Knowledge was invented for me to learn but I'm
Stopped at every turn yeah the devils spurns at my
Every attempt to make a difference nothing will
Ever suffice have I not sacrifice repeatedly paid the
Price I once hated life in me was so much contempt
For myself my father once called me retarded if only
He could see what he started his insult became so
Hard to discard, took the very fabric of my heart, then
Broke it apart sliced it open and re-scarred it after
Trying to mend these fences breaking down all my
Defenses not knowing problems carries tension His
Insults has become extensive so many to mention
Words caught up in suspension my father was never
There he never cared so how could he ever dare
Telling me' to man up Richie grow a pair' I've lived life
Knowing it never played fair heart-ache each one of us has
Had our share but how much of this pain do I have to
Bear I'm caught up in its snare I heard its blare ' Richie
Be aware of the flares' A Gem is your mind within it
They'll find everything that they once left behind.

(12/4/2016)