Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind Poem by negar shahnouri
Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind
last night i dreamed u were in a vineyard
but in between trees seeing u was hard
i dreamed u were lost in sahara so tried to take ur hands
but u disapeared after storm and under sands
there is s.th between me and u, day and night
sometimes darkness, sometimes too much light
whenever i was on left, u were on the right! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
now tht even in dream u r out of sight
get out, leave, go out of mind
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I would like to translate this poem
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5/2/2024 10:38:31 PM # 1.0.0.1119
Nice storyline, young lady. If you don't mind...just a wee bit of costructive advice...try to avoid shotening words such as: you(u) . During the 1700's & 1800's...many classic Poet's wrote in old-english('til/thou/thine/doth, hath, ye, etc.) However, your contemporary, free-verse style, does not accomodate abbreviated wordage, very well, and takes away from the beauty of your espression...Spell it all out, young lady.......your storylines are innovative & your stazaec structure, for the most part, is well implemented. KEEP THAT PEN PUMPING! fjr