Repeat Endless Cycles Endlessly… Poem by Louise Tredoux

I never learnt to concentrate, never learnt to do research
without the aid of adrenaline and emotions involved, like
an autistic child - faced with a boring job, my mind
becomes useless

Enjoyed my studies by experiencing each text existentially,
the excitement of living every idea and theory, now that the
bureau sent me texts to edit, my brain short-circuits and
refuses to work

My life is a waste, I wanted to jump right to the end
of meaningless life, to bypass the useless events as
described by Ecclesiastes, but time did not pass,
I’m forced to

To repeat endless cycles endlessly - I wanted to play
a significant role, make a difference; now I’m depressed,
even when I try my best, the result is mediocrity, always
choosing wrong

Losing interest long before reaching the end – it wouldn’t
matter if I had no dream of excellence, but I did; today I’ve
got to admit I can’t reach my ideal, I’m a failure in all jobs
I undertake

I have betrayed myself and my own dreams, can’t offer
Rudi anything at all…