Secrete Service Poem by Ima Ryma

I'm a Secret Service agent
On the presidential detail.
All bodily fluids content
Leaves a distinct DNA trail.
Blood, semen, spit, sweat, piss and poop
Leaving the President must be
All retrieved in a special scoop,
Then catalogued and stored safely.
The President knows this is just
One of the jobs that must be done.
I don't enjoy it and I trust
For the President it's no fun.

I am the keeper, by and large,
Of all Presidential discharge.