Story Poem by Shade Rodieson

To care or not...
each day is like a snowflake almost the same but not quite
same as the days where i attempt to rank first striving to one day be unsurpassed by my peers. never the less im always outranked by my so called friend Grace. sometimes i wonder how she remembers everything she must not have a life but hah im really one to talk. glaring at her head after once more being surpassed, listening to the dull monotone of my geometry teacher i decide not to care anymore. not being one to sleep in class i somehow go unnoticed. i sleep through 1st and grab my homework hastily to avoid a confrontation with Mr.Monotone. slipping into the bathroom i put pale powder on my already pale cheeks. staring into the mirror i smile a grim smile and leave, my shadow echoing behind me.
i arrive at second period English just as the bell rings. i walk to the teachers desk slowly. Mrs. Grammar looks up at me worried expression on her face. Are you sick she asks, her mouth an upside down crescent moon. i nod without words. i watch as she writes a note to the nurse. My Golden Ticket.
instead of going to the nurse i go to my old sanctuary. i quit coming to the amphitheater when i met Grace and started caring. returning to my old spot i remember how when i was in elementary school the amphitheater used to be a magical place. Mrs.Librarian made the characters of Mary Poppins and Alice and Wonderland almost come to life, but when an excited little bratty boy 1st grader fell from the top and broke his neck by-by story time, hello math problems. now its condemned, but its the perfect spot to be forgotten.

Disturbed lunch freak.
i sleep until lunch still tired but decide to face Grace and the cafeteria for whatever reason. i stand in line for the hot lunch. its cardboard with a cold hamburger patty, potato salad that looks like vomit, burned almost beyond recognition french fries, an apple, and milk. i pay the lunch lady and head to where me and grace usually sit. as i walk towards our table i see the other losers we sit with but no grace. i walk slowly scanning the crowd then i find her. sitting with the preps of all people. i grab my milk and dump the whole trey into the garbage. walking calmly but fast out of the cafeteria i ignore Graces waves and return to the quiet solitude of the amphitheater.
i decide to care about my classes after lunch which consists of Physical Education and Art. Pushing open the art room door the familiar scent of art supplies hit my nose full force. ignoring the scent i head towards my usual spot pulling out my drawing as i sit down. its a girl laying on a cloud, there's death and destruction all around her but she dosent notice. like no one notices me, how im just graces friend so im not that important. i sigh and start working.
i color with black. black like the darkness that engulfs me. wrapping its tendrils around me not letting go. but if i fight back i cant breathe because its squeezing the oxygen from my lungs.so i usually relax and let the darkness slowly take my life force.
a noise is ringing in my ears and it takes me a minute to recognize that its the bell. i stand up abruptly, shove my picture in my cubby and fight my way out the door to the track.
Thump thump..thump thump..thump thump...my heart pounds in my chest as i run. one lap then two, i feel as if i can fly. Grace waves from the sidelines wanting to join. i speed up she cant beat me at this she hates physical education.

No magusta Espanol (i don't like Spanish)
i now have Spanish before art and Physical Education. my class consists of mostly juniors so they don't know me but my old friends do. lavender waves while walking to her seat and i freeze i don't wave back my arms paralyzed. i concentrate deeply on the teacher to avoid lavender and Ariana's gazes on my back.


Deep Do Do...
the Principle called my parents due to the lack of my attendance. i sit at the table preparing for interogation after being called from my room.
Mom: well shay what do you have to say for yourself
Me: ......
Mom: nothing to say well lets start with your grades what happened?
Me: .....
Dad: young lady answer the question
Me: i dont know
Dad: thats not an apporproate answer
Mom: at least she talked to you dont pester
Dad: i wasent pestering Jeanie
Mom: yes you were you just dont want to admit it
Me: *grins*
Dad: Something funny Shay
Me: No
Mom: lets make a deal you bring your grades up and go to class and weel get you a computer
Dad: sound fair
Me: Nods
Dad: but only if your grades improve
Me: noding still
Mom: okay your excused
Mom/Dad: Good Night
Me: (barley heard) good night

Contemplating....
i survive the next two weeks of school. i dont speak to grace anymore, shes now a member of the undead an aeropostale of american eagel. i go to my classes following my parents orders like a dog on a leash. my grades barely A's my parents happy. i need a new sketchbook because my current ones filled with things that spoke to me and asked to be drawn in the middle of class. i speak to my old friends in spanish. they seem the same. lavender the hopeless romantic and ariana the morbid comedian. im the one thats changed drownding in the darkness of my secret.