The Damnation Of My Soul Poem by buried alive

27 years
and I had had it up to here wth the Bronx!
Had it up to here
with the smell, the stench, the filth and the noise!
With my neighbors!
pounding their floors, and their walls
night after night,
leaving me sleepless
and grey and old before my time,
with black circles under my eyes
to mark the record of my woes.
And I wanted a thousand acres,
to be as far away from any human being
as I could get!

It was a cold, blustery day in January of 2004,
Snow falling in blankets of white,
whipped into deep drifts by gusting wind.
Only a fool would have been outside,
and I was a fool out of my mind
for I was being driven
and driven hard.

I had just come off an abandoned farm parcel in the Adirondacks,
and I was alone,
all alone,
in a bleak desolute
wilderness of nothingness,
100 miles from nowhere,
on a twisted road to no place.,
my fingers lifeless,
my ears splitting with pain
and I could barely feel my toes
as I collapsed into my car,
with only twenty minutes of twilight, , trying to beat the night.

And I was driving fast,
and I knew I shouldn't be driving fast,
but I drove fast anyway
sliding and spinning out with each curve
with only a prayer to hold me on course.
It was already dusk and the deer stood packed
along the side of the road,
mesmerized,
frozen in my headlight beams
piercing throujgh the white haze.
And as I came around the bend,
I struck it!
it's legs collapsing under the bumper of my car,
thrusting its head and body up onto the hood and windshield,
and through that glass,
I could see its twisted mouth, its wild open eyes
staring into mine
in a caphaconic gaze of pain and fear
burned into my mind forever.
as it rolled onto the ice
and lay motionless.

And as I watched in that frozen twilight,
it moved, then slowly stood on its legs
and staggered across the road,
vanishing into the darkness.

But I knew, in that instant
it would never survive the brutal winter.
And I knew,
that I had sentenced it to a slow, cold death.
And I knew,
that because of my selfishness and complete self indulgence in my own life's insignificant problems,
with no regard for anything or anyone else,

that God had sentenced me
as well