Jefferson Carter


The First Saltist Church of Tariq Our Lord


THE FIRST SALTiST CHURCH OF TARIQ OUR LORD


Whenever my mother mentions
Jesus, I praise Tariq, how,
2000 years ago, his spaceship
crash landed in central Utah.
Tariq, the Prince of Saltus, Tariq,
the 10-foot-tall alien who talks to me
in my dreams, whose ship of salt
dissolved in the 100-year rain.
I pray twice a day, facing
the Great Salt Lake. I drink a glass
of salt water each night.
When this world of tears ends,
when Lord Tariq returns, the planet
Saltus blood-red on the horizon,
the faithful will be like unto salt crystals,
the sweat drying on his awful brow.
My proof? Look at our language.
“Salt of the earth, ” “salty dog, ”
“the unplumbed, salt, estranging sea.”
And tell me this: when it
rains, what pours?

Submitted: Thursday, April 24, 2014

Topic(s): religion


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  • Rookie - 109 Points Stan Petrovich (9/19/2014 10:26:00 AM)

    Hilarious, JC. I, who have dwelt on the banks of the Salt River in Tempe, will now be looking under every other unturned stone for references. Where was this pillar of salt in the Bible? I'll have to Google it. (Report) Reply

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