The Fun And The Jokes Poem by Margaret Alice

The guilt is mine -
I have to accept
the reason why
I cannot connect
with sister and mother
facing their hostility
after confronting them
with their negativity
towards my father
is my own weakness -
psychosomatic overreaction
when shocked or attacked
as you frequently
point out to me
when mom throws a tantrum
I am scared, run away
when you tried to frighten me
just in jest, playing a joke
I jumped high in the air
and cried so much
you were scared
by my reaction
you never tried it again -
when the doctor used
an electric saw to cut off
plaster of Paris
I went into shock
once again – and when
you played at falling down
dead, I lost it completely -
you don’t want me
to confront hostile family
fearing the effect
of the shock –
it is my own fault
that I can’t see them
until I have proved
that I can deal
with hostility -
until then
a life in seclusion
quietly, no arguments -
oh, how I wish
I could become strong
to once again
reach out to them
working through their
hostile rejection
until the song and the dance
the fun and the jokes
that we used to share
become uppermost!