The Golfer's Tale Of Woe Poem by Brian Barnett

I had a little pencil with a rubber on the end,
I used it to record my score, or sometimes to amend.
But I went and stuck it in my ear and twiddled it about,
The rubber got stuck in there, the pencil was without!

We tried to use a cocktail stick and tweezers long and thin,
But every time we gave a prod it just went further in.
And then my wife devised a plan that made me hold my breath:
'A vacuum cleaner's what we need'
I thought, 'We're Dyson here with death.'

So I ended up in hospital, just outside Galway Bay,
By the time we'd filled in all the forms, I'd been there half a day.
And then a pretty little nurse asked me to lie down on a bed,
I hoped she'd try to suck it out, but she poked it in instead.

I then moved on to ENT, with a doctor from Mumbai,
He said, 'Well goodness gracious me, I'd like to have a try.'
Peering deep into my ear, he gave a wicked grin,
But he did the job and I have to say it was better out than in.

Now the moral to this story is really very clear,
If you've a pencil with a rubber - don't stick it in your ear!