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Ace Of Black Hearts

Rookie - 0 Points (04/17/1984 / Homa Lousiana)

The Life I Didn't Take And The Life I'm Trying To Save.


If you want to take your life that's fine.
After all I was in broken home.
After all I have been all alone.
It is not like I don't understand.
But before you do it I thought you let me tell my story.
My heart break, and why I still live.
Then if you still are decided you want your end.
I won't stand in your way.
That's right I've been there.
Different, and multiple times.
From a knife, to bottle of pills.
Going to the hospital to get my stomach pumped.
And none of it solved anything.
Nobody loved me anymore then they did before.
In fact it scared them, so they held there tongue when they shouldn't have.
All I have ever wanted is a little honesty.
Nobody would ever give it.
Continuously being lied to from everybody.
The words all the same.
The speech so rehearsed and so well verse.
I think a psychiatrist might of wrote it.
Who ever did they were better then me at these things.
Open and straight forward explaining what was wrong what I did mention every name it would effect.
From my little brother to my god forsaken mother.
After all no one is perfect.
No one is ever perfect.
In a time of gentle words here your scolding.
Here's your tongue lashing.
How could you.
What you even thinking.
What good would come from it.
A wasted life, is the one snuffed out before before he can do anything worthwhile.
A girlfriend that still never came to see me.
She wouldn't waste another moment thinking about me.
I think I made her hate me.
Because every time she was near there would be an awkward silence follow by a god awful glare.
But she would say nothing even when I tried to talk to her.
It was over and I really couldn't blame her.
Who wants someone who will commit suicide.
A life taken in vain.
A memento, left on the necklace you wear.
This was the first of three times.
I was 16, I was a mess.
And I was one of those who said nothing.
For me it was about attention.
It was about ending the god awful pain I was feeling.
The second time I was 18 I just got my first job and got kicked out of my house in the same stroke of luck.
Again I said nothing no warning.
This time it was my sister that found me.
She said come on my baby brother you know I still love you.
It made my want to cry I could die right hear with that being the last words said.
Third time I was 26, I just lost my job, my friends, and my home all in the the same stop.
This time it was almost to late revived twice.
My neighbor was the one who called it in.
He came down stairs to check if everyone was alright.
He didn't know I was the only one still here.
All he knew was there huge fight.
Nobody came this time, nobody could face it this time.
I have a seriously problem, my life will always be at risk.
They call it this depression sickness.
I call it not even being able to be happy for a single moment in my life.
The emotion like this is so rare but today I'm smiling because maybe I can help someone else.
Save someone besides myself.
I'm calling out to you, I'm asking you, I'm begging you, don't do it.
It won't get any easier that I promise.
I won't lie to you. It's worth it to live my life, to live your life.
Neglectful feelings are just part of it.
Feeling so abandon, but even when it feels that way trust me your not.
Your not.

Submitted: Thursday, May 02, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, September 18, 2013

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