The Night At Stoney Pinch 1894 Poem by Helen Bauman

Verse 1

The twenty sixth of ‘Januree'
In eighteen ninety four,
Presented us a lovely spree
Attended in galore.
It sickened me without a doubt
And all my comrades groaned,
‘twould turn the best soul inside out
That e'er a wombat owned
(call audience
So ‘blokes' and ladies now advance
To hear the details of that dance,
That night at ‘Stoney Pinch.'

Verse 2

In County Phillip New South Wales
At old Frank Skinner's home,
The spree't took place amid the gales
This subject of my "Pome".
It stirred the possum in the soul - (pause) new thought
Up there in Stoney Pinch
They mounted logs, descended shafts
Of antique diggers work,
And drank of undesired draughts
That in such slough holes lurk.
Before they gained the well-earned ‘goal'
To cheer at ‘Stoney Pinch.'

Verse 3

It rained and hailed and blew they quailed,
But still it would not stop.
If then the evening boat had sailed
They may've come out on top
But no such luck was meant ye mind,
That night at ‘Stoney Pinch.'
They got together and made a barge
Of horses, carts and men;
But found though it was fairly large
'Twould only carry ten:
The rest were clinging on behind
All right, up ‘Stoney pinch.'

Verse 4

The river now was half way crossed
And no mishap had passed
But tho' the barge was fairly bossed
It turned them in at last.
And in the river swam some guests.
Oh, how the ladies dear did ‘squeam! '
And howl until nearly sick,
While being rescued from the stream.
By Jim & Pat & Mick.
They underwent a lot of tests,
That night at Stoney Pinch.

Verse 5

After whips of row & jargon,
A number of the push
Had produced a friendly bargain
In that romantic bush.
As a means of reaching Skinners'
They agreed with one another
That, they would hump upon their back
Each a helpless half drowned brother.
Soon they were on the track
With Mickey & Jim the winners,
To reach old Stoney Pinch.

Verse 6
They had now arrived at Skinner's
All wet as frogs in May,
And firstly they had their dinners
Though late t'was in the day:
"Be dad! " they filled their bingies too
Fine fare at Stoney Pinch.
(reflectingly)
The meantime all the ladies, were
A-changing of their togs;
The blokes remained with ruffled hair
A-fixing up their clogs.
But that's not all that happened you
That night at Stoney Pinch.

Verse 7

For music next they troubled were
No instrument they had;
Miss Cooper off full tear,
Just like a bouncing lad
An accordion she brought 3 miles.
Up there at Stoney Pinch?
The ladies now had changed their tog,
And music they had got,
Which settled up an awful fog
They started on the spot
Their novel dancing in all styles,
At sodden Stoney Pinch.

Verse 8

Oh, how the Poor accordion howled
And writhed in jimmy's hands;
In Charles's hands it also growled
Out rating all string bands.
The he males picked their ladies out
And straightway danced the sets
They flourished their wet boots about.
Just like a lot of pets.
The ladies dressed in clothes sublime
Abandoned cares in two-four time.
And danced at Stoney Pinch.

Verse 9

In cheesecloth Miss N. Perry dressed;
Some more dressed in grey tweed;
In "stale" nun's veiling danced the rest,
And yet they all agreed:
But looked their dresses very game.
The he male dancer's boots were damp,
Their socks were sopping too,
And you could see without a lamp
That not one wore a shoe.
But they had got there all the same
That night at Stoney pinch.

Verse 10

Miss Cooper was the caterer,
Miss Riley was the belle,
But who was the "relaterer",
I'm sure you could not tell.
Mick Riley was the Beau they said,
Miss Riley was the host,
Proud Mickey had some go-ahead,
He gave a ripping toast:
‘But all their joy was full of pain,
‘Oh, may I never attend again

Such a night at Stoney Pinch.

Verse 11

George Beecham with unbounded grace,
Had acted as M.C.,
I think that in that worthy place
No better man could be.
And when the midnight hour arrived,
They looked for food again
And in five minutes they contrived
To leave no food remain.
And so they revelled in much mirth,
Be gob! They ate their sugar's worth!
That night at Stoney Pinch.

Verse 12
When on the point of winding up,
The clock was striking three -
They drained the last dregs of the cup,
Of Mr Skinner's spree,
And all dispersed with leaden hearts
The warmth at Stoney Pinch.
The girls went home in borrowed clothes,
(Their own being sopping wet) ,
But ‘fore the beaming Sun arose
The mirthless Moon had set;
So great work had they, with their carts
At muddy Stoney Pinch.

Verse 13

Some blokes returned in ball -disguise
The ‘possums for to scare,
But one old chap in much surprise,
Had seen "a native bear"
Perched in the middle of the road
That runs from Stoney Pinch.
On little farms the bears are bad, and ‘possums harmful too
For I assure you ‘tis a lad,
And makes a mad feel blue
When ‘possums eat the wheat you sowed,
At half-starved Stoney Pinch.

Verse 14

The next day one was seen in town
A-buying Jacob's oils,
For they, he said, had great renown,
To move rheumatic boils.
For he had got them on his feet,
Last night at Stoney Pinch.
Then they swore a solemn oath,
Before they'd condescend,
For fancy, or for fun - or both,
That they would fair attend,
Never again for "Father Pete"
A dance at Stoney Pinch.

Verse 15

And now you will wonder, who's the "POTE",
That wrote of Skinner's spree.
You will no doubt call him a "Goat",
Yes that is the term for me.
Though wit is not within these lines,
I hope ‘twon't give offence,
Yet this but shows the surest signs,
The "Pote" is very dense.
No shrewder bloke waltzed round the room,
But never will forget the gloom
That night at Stoney Pinch.

Poet Unknown.