'Those Who Watch With Me' Poem by Daniel Brick

'Those Who Watch With Me'

Rating: 5.0


The creator-god was tired
and ready to resign. For eons
he had tried to make the whole
endeavor succeed: To make
created things mesh into a unity
and thereby prevail. That is
what happened on the beginning
and he was giddy with joy.
'I made you shine, ' he exclaimed
to the stars and their usual
brightness intensified fourfold.
'I carved your basin, I made
your slippery natures so you can
flow everywhere, ' he confided
to the waters, which took on
the color of the the sky
to match their gratitude
with his delight. 'Your colors
and perfumes are daily pleasures
for me, ' he told the flowers
as they swayed in the breezes.
But recently they don't sway,
they droop and fade. The creator-god
seems to droop, even fade a bit,
and now there are long pauses,
when his voice deepens into near silence:
'Has something been broken from the very
earliest days? Is that why the humans
are so bent in pain, so unhappy
even in this atmosphere of good?
If so, I am responsible....'
As he spoke those despairing
words, an adolescent deer
looked into his face, her large
brown eyes heavy with shared grief.
'What am I to do? I have cleaned
the joints and levers, replaced
the bearings that measure pressures,
added filters to the southern regions,
tuned the heavy wheels of change.'
But his immortal eyes looked into an abyss,
adjacent to his created world, and he
stared as only a god can stare fixedly
at nothingness. 'Is it all sliding
into the dark backward and abysm of time?
Will those who watch with me now slip
from my nurturing hands into a vast chaos? '
The female deer nestled her head
against the massive strength of the helpless deity.

Monday, August 28, 2017
Topic(s) of this poem: fantasy,myth
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Bharati Nayak 28 August 2017

The narrative of this imaginative write is so captivating and yet seems so real as if i am watching the helpless deity and the female deer sharing grief with him when his beautiful creation sliding back into darkness.

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Daniel Brick 28 August 2017

You express the whole poem in your comment, Bharati: SHARING GRIEF is the theme.

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Nosheen Irfan 28 August 2017

What an amazing work. I'm in awe of your rich imagination. Kudos for writing this meaningful write, though classified as a myth or fantasy but so relevant to human life. A big 10.

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Daniel Brick 28 August 2017

Your comment hit the center of the target like a true arrow! What is human is between the animal and the divine. Our humanity is made up of qualities of both creatures. My first draft of this poem did not include the deer: You could say the deer nestled me first and then entered the poem to comfort the god.

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Subhas Chandra Chakra 28 August 2017

'Is it all sliding into the dark backward and abysm of time? Will those who watch with me now slip from my nurturing hands into a vast chaos? ' Beautiful lines... Thanks for sharing. 10 for it.

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