Daniel Brick

Gold Star - 41,543 Points (June 10,1947 / St. Paul MN)

The Abandoned Poem - Poem by Daniel Brick

I wrote a long poem
for you this morning
in the pure light
of an untouched day.

The poem was marvelous!
It took two hours to write,
two hours to revise,
one hour to copy neatly.

As I read the final draft,
I felt I was in your presence:
your flesh as pure as the light,
your mind as untouched as the day.

The poem was one moment
a window through which I saw
your beauty. The next moment,
a mirror reflecting our joy.

Then a darkness that was not
nature's fell across my desk.
I dropped my pen, closed my
notebook. My mind, like a whirlgig.

This poem, these paper words
contained no trace of you:
the down of your face,
the curve of your legs,

your breathing lifting
your breasts, your lips
parted to speak, or parting
to kiss - Yes,

words are such perfect
traitors: they make promises
that warm you, like summer light,
they create spirals of hope.

For those hours of composing,
the words performed miracles
of desire, produced wonders
of expectation, and then -

I dumped the three sheets
in the yard as I trudged
to my daily tasks,
silent, sullen, sorry.

That evening, as twilight
slowly finished what
morning light had begun,
I saw you, sitting alone,

on your balcony, half-
hidden by a vase of flowers.
Your hands held my poem,
your eyes gazed intently.

I stood leaning against
a maple tree, watching
this impossible scene,
wondering what words were left.

No longer traitors, I
sifted through my mind
to find the words closest
to touch and to silence.

As I looked up in desire,
you suddenly looked
down in anticipation.
Words dissolved into gestures.

Valentine's Day

Topic(s) of this poem: love

Poet's Notes about The Poem

Today is Valentine's Day, so I decided to try my hand at writing a Love Poem. I remember some wise words Robert Bly said before he read from his book of Love Poems, Loving a Woman in Two Worlds. He told us a poet has to be alert when writing them, because there is so much energy piled up inside. It's so easy to spill words onto paper with the overflow of this energy. The poems he read were (are) amazing, so fresh, so original, so unlike any previous Love Poems. I remembered a girl named Kathy I was attracted to many years ago. Although we were friends, I could never find the words to express my true feelings to her. Does this sound familiar? I realized the most honest Love Poem I could write would indeed find those words today. The poem presented itself like a welcome guest, arriving on time for the main event, that is, putting the poem at my site on Feb.14. My view is that a Love Poem should not use the word love, but embody it. Instead of saying, 'I love you', the poem should show the impact of that love on the speaker. How does love make him/her act? How does it interrupt their routine? How does it make their day all sweetness and light?

Comments about The Abandoned Poem by Daniel Brick

  • Linda Hepner (9/12/2016 1:06:00 AM)

    I noticed there was no obvious Love in this poem that embodies it. A feat, and wonderfully done, pulling us into a poem on paper. I love the poem on sheets of paper that is about writing about a poem about love. (Report) Reply

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  • Rose Kanana (9/3/2016 8:50:00 AM)

    I like the way you inked the love feeling...and the fact that as a poet words can fail too
    words are such perfect
    traitors: they make promises
    that warm you, like summer light,
    they create spirals of hope.
    (Report) Reply

  • Anne Yun (8/20/2016 11:59:00 AM)

    Yes, i know Cixin Liu. The Three-Body Problem created much of a stir in China, hope you could enjoy! (Report) Reply

  • Anne Yun (8/20/2016 9:42:00 AM)

    Wow, the wisdom of love flows from the poem and the note is really touching and impressive!
    When Raymond Carver talked about love, he said 'I could hear my heart beating, i could hear everyone's heart, not one of us moved, not even when the room went dark'
    (Report) Reply

    Daniel Brick Daniel Brick (8/20/2016 11:31:00 AM)

    Thanks for your enthusiam, Anne. That is a wonderful quotation from Ray Carver whose early death was a great loss to literature. I think his writing style must translate into Chinese fluently, and for that matter be very accessible for you to read in your second language. When I read his stories, his language is transparent and so moving. I just bought a Science Fiction novel by a writer named Cixin Liu. It's his first book translated into English. Do you know this writer? It's called THE THREE-BODY PROBLEM.

  • Judith Blatherwick (8/17/2016 4:24:00 PM)

    Reading your poem provokes a rush of emotions. It is truly a masterpiece. (Report) Reply

  • Howard 'the motivational poet' Simon (7/8/2016 7:50:00 PM)

    Wow! Wow! Wonderfully written! (Report) Reply

  • Mohammed Asim Nehal (6/25/2016 2:48:00 AM)

    The subject you chose Love and the poem you wrote both reflects true feeling, having said this I would like to mention here that your love for Ms.Kathy was as true and genuine as: : :
    the flowing river gushing to meet the ocean/sea or
    bees circling around the flowers to collect the nectar,
    Clouds moving along with the wind,
    the see-saw trying to balance between the heart and the mind.
    The implicit style of your poem said many a things between the lines.
    All in all, this is one of the best LOVE poems I have read in the recent past....Beyong ratings yet a maximum 10++++
    (Report) Reply

  • (5/9/2016 12:01:00 PM)

    A long poem on love: on the love that was. Great! Love itself is a long beautiful poem, always alive and always keeping you alive.
    As I looked up in desire
    You suddenly looked
    down in anticipation
    Words dissolved into gestures.

    What nice poetry. Exquisite choice of words, just suited to convey the mood of the poem. Congrats. Thanks for sharing. Do keep writing and posting.
    (Report) Reply

  • Susan Williams (4/12/2016 2:55:00 PM)

    I read this poem of yours again today. It felt like that kind of day that you want to revisit a piece of writing that touched your life in the past. What was a bonus was that the poem opened up even more treasures- subterranean treasures hidden from a cursory glance or a casual reading. Thank you so much for sharing this (Report) Reply

  • (3/31/2016 4:48:00 PM)

    To find the words closest to touch and to silence. This is beautiful and each stanza offers delight and great honesty. Now that I've found your poetry, I shall be kept very busy reading much more! Definitely a 10.
    tom Billsborough
    (Report) Reply

  • Marianne Reninger (3/17/2016 5:29:00 PM)

    what we all wish for as a conclusion to a poetic outpouring of our soul, a look down in anticipation You were one lucky poet! Sometimes the porch is too distant and time too swift....Congrats, Daniel, loved it... (Report) Reply

  • Simone Inez Harriman (3/17/2016 3:55:00 PM)

    So deserving of this award. Love & light. (Report) Reply

  • Susan Williams (3/17/2016 3:41:00 PM)

    I loved it- -it was written with unabashed truthfulness and the story because of this touched the readers' hearts immensely. I am definitely reading more by this poet (Report) Reply

  • Moira Cameron (3/17/2016 12:09:00 PM)

    This is a wonderful story-poem. I am partial to story-songs, so i particularly enjoyed reading this one. I like the phrase 'words are such perfect traitors.' I have often found that the process of 'translating' concepts in the mind into words on a page wholly inadequate. Congrats on 'poem of the day'! (Report) Reply

  • (3/17/2016 11:49:00 AM)

    The poem was one moment
    A window through which I saw
    Your beauty, the next moment,
    Mirror reflecting our joy.
    Simply superb expression. Thanks for sharing.10++ points for the poem and the perspective too.Heartiest Congratulations.
    (Report) Reply

  • (3/17/2016 11:48:00 AM)

    The poem was one moment
    A window through which I saw
    Your beauty, the next moment,
    Mirror reflecting our joy.
    Simply superb expression. Thanks for sharing.10++ points for the poem and the perspective too.
    (Report) Reply

  • (3/17/2016 11:39:00 AM)

    Indeed a subtle poem reflection cast on that ephemeral interplay of imagination, expression and reality, here ushered by the muse of Love (Report) Reply

  • (3/17/2016 9:52:00 AM)

    Beautiful poem expressing all what Daniel wrote in his comments. Congratulations for a well deserved poem of the day. Enjoyed it very much. (Report) Reply

  • Souren Mondal (3/17/2016 8:52:00 AM)

    I had read this poem first on 09.30.2015 and today is 03.17.2016.. That is like half a year almost between the two readings..

    In September last year, I felt that this poem had what many great fiction have - the ability to show rather than tell.. Your poem shows us the love rather than speaking it in words..

    But today, I feel something else too.. Your poem is about what happens between a poem being written and read.. You have gone for a love poem, and showed us how your poem had affected this woman Kathy - and Cigneg said it best that she is the LONG POEM IN YOUR SOUL. She is. This poem is more about the soul than the heart. It is about what all of us poets have gone through.. We all, I can almost say with certainty, at some points or other, have written a love poem for someone.. And then have looked at it, tried to 'fix' it, make it better.. O the pure pleasure in the agony of that process! ! Will she or will she not understand? ?

    One of my friends, wrote almost 30 plus poems for a woman, and she said that they were 'stupid'.. I myself, in the passion of my younger days, declared to have written a 'sonnet' (in free verse! !) and have heard 'no' from the one for whom it was written..

    You, dear Daniel, I assume have not written a mere love poem, but had written a poem on 'love poems'.. What it means to the poet? ? A lot.. Sometimes more than anything and everything..

    Thank you dear Daniel. Congratulations for being the poet of the day, my friend.. And it is really wonderful for me to realise that it has been more than half a year since I had been acquainted with you.. A toast to our friendship dear friend, teacher, and inspiration.. Thank you.
    (Report) Reply

    Daniel Brick Daniel Brick (3/17/2016 4:06:00 PM)

    You are a Prince, Souren, You should rule over one of those ancient kingdoms that once dotted the sub-continent and your happy subjects would declare, Our Prince is River of Generosity flowing through our lives and leaving behind all good things - fruits, flowers, incense, , soma. And your harem women would chant - Oh my, I cant print what THEY would say! ! Thanks for your wonderful comment.

  • (3/17/2016 8:34:00 AM)

    Daniel, you have hit a home run with this poem. It is extremely well done, and congratulations on having it selected as poem of the day! (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, February 14, 2014

Poem Edited: Saturday, September 20, 2014

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