Toilet Paper and Marriage
Couples fight about money, about communication and control.
But an unsung cause of trouble in a marriage is the toilet paper roll.
The experts never mention it; in books you won’t even come upon it.
But divorces are caused by that little roll and the paper that goes on it.
A wife’s number one complaint and the reason she screams and shouts
Is her husband’s won’t refill the roll once the paper has run out.
And it drives a wife crazy, oh how she’ll complain and gripe and grouse
When her husband doesn’t seem to care if there’s any paper in the house.
If there is an ample supply of paper you’d think this would make her feel great
Not true...for she must also win the great toilet paper debate.
When you look at the marriage vows...Whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder
There is no mention if the toilet paper should hang over or hang under.
(By the way if you’re not sure and another fight you want to prevent
Over is preferred to under by a whopping 70%.)
Why are these things important to our wives? Why does it cause them so much stress,
While for the most part when it comes to toilet paper most husbands could care less?
Oh of course we’d like to have some but if we find the toilet paper’s gone
Most men come prepared for this, we bring a newspaper to the john.
And we don’t ever notice if the paper’s over, under, rough or plush
We read our article or play words with friends and when we’re done we flush.
But husbands don’t you worry let me come to your rescues
And help you find an easy way to beat these toilet paper blues.
Since you don’t usually care anyway do not enter into the fray
The best advice I can give you is to do everything her way.
By doing what she wants, when she wants, here’s something you can’t deny
Your marriage will be stronger than ever...perhaps even 3 ply.
It’s a simple solution really, why it’s what marriage is all about
Compromise and making sure the toilet paper won’t run out.
Who could have known when you sat down and wrote your matrimonial goal
That your marriage might just depend on that toilet paper roll.
But it does! So the next time you’re staring at that empty toilet paper roll
Smile as you refill it...and remember whose in control.
Jim Yerman's Other Poems
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