Tom And I - Our Hysterectomy Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

The latest news, from Ocean Shores
although I'm sure you've heard such lores,
is so she can, in comfort, pee
she'll have a hysterectomy.
She may tell folks a sordid tale
through telephone or through the mail
that someone beat the stuffing out
and who is guilty? It's the Kraut!

Well, she had noticed for some time
that pelvic organs will not climb
once sagging, upwards from the knee;
she needs a hysterectomy.

First doctor was a woman Les,
it's hubby's well-considered guess,
she ruled with such an iron fist
that she would not explain the gist,
and when they asked what will be done
she said to take a hike. What fun! .

The second one was slightly dark,
his bite was sly, so was his bark.
Trained in the jungles by Mandela,
turned out to be an Indian fella.

He did suggest to use a mesh
to keep inside that female flesh.
Like gutterguard it then would serve
the man may be a covert perve?

Then, finally they found their man.
He wears a bowtie, yet he can
do all the latest of the skills
and is no fan of modern pills.

You know about the waiting lists
when patients hammer with their fists,
on tables, counters doctors' ears,
for months and, oftentimes, for years?

Well, luck was smiling and he took
a bit of pity, got his book
and wrote her name there near the top
he left then, always on the hop.

November 14th is the date
that she will enter dreamtime state
and then his scalpels cut and scrape
to get her snatch in better shape.

Three days in hospital they say
then they will be awaiting pay,
and after that we may be there
to take her home into the lair.

Six weeks the doctor says to pamper
her day and night. There may be damper
at home for all their daily meals
perhaps the lad will catch some eels.

She will be lighter, that's expected,
although it may not be detected
by casual looks, perhaps the scale
will tell its own revealing tale.

It is suggested not to send
fresh flowers or Swiss Chocolate Blend,
please spare a thought for Tom and me
it's OUR hysterectomy!

VB or Bourbon may be nice,
we do have plenty Maytag ice.
When slaving here, with dogs and birds
out in the yard removing turds,
and weeding, cleaning gutters, floors
as you can see we WILL have chores!

We need to be refreshed to run
two households and it must be done.
This is the end of latest news
about a woman's P's and Q's.