Two Things Poem by Daniel Trevelyn Joseph

From where I am now
In the context of my age,
Position, location and family,
Two things only count:
One is pain, what is;
The other is - what is going to be –
Of limbs, faculties, memory,
And the final going to be - of life, death.

Of the latter, I am not afraid:
As I experienced three years ago,
When my parameters were sinking
On the angio-plasty table in cath-lab,
I was conscious fully that in seconds
Not me, but my body could be carted out,
Dead, and yet I didn’t feel fear.

For some time now, the aim has been
To get used to pain;
I have seen my mother in late 70s
And father in mid-90s,
Suffering from pain, pain, pain;
I read in their eyes what each felt,
And stood helpless by their side,
At the most pleading with the doctors
To give another morphine shot.

Dear reader, I try to train myself
To look at pain, my own, physical pain,
By staring at it, concentrating on it;
There is no magic to it, but it strengthens me
To bear pain. Even a simple plaster
When being pulled out with hairs
On my skin, gives me good lesson
To bear pain. When an injection
Is given, or I bang my head or leg
I don’t close my eyes and pray
To be rid of the pain, but seek
Strength to look at, explore and bear
The pain, thus obtained.
I convert each incident into an exercise
To train to bear the pain fully,
With no anodyne.

Pain not physical doesn’t bother me
Because I have no attachment to
Anyone or anything:
No special consideration, no ambition
No liability, no regret, no lingering on:
At least that is what I try to be.

When it comes to my wife
Of thirty-six years now, I cannot like Jesus
Of his mother, say, “Who is she? ”
But I do react to her moods, and words
Instantly, despite trying not to;
But I know it is my weakness
Last infirmity of my poor mind?

It is fine, words are ok, saying them
Is easy: when the test comes
It pushes me, makes me worried
Upset, go quiet, tolerate, get irritated,
Maybe say something harsh which puts off
All around: but I know that once
I reconcile to pain and to death
I have achieved my nirvana
And that is the best training I can
Give to myself before going beyond.