Venting Poem by Chris Haifley

***
Only with distance keeping us apart,
I carried you everywhere I went.
Everywhere.
I gave you all my emotions, all my love, my soul.
I went above and beyond.
And you ended it all.

Everyday was a struggle, a series of ups and downs,
And to be honest, I feel free without you.
But those great feelings you filled me with won’t leave.
And they plague me for every day that passes.

But you’re not worth my pain—art is all I need,
So why should I break myself over you?
Stepping back and looking, I see nothing but insanity
Nothing but hollow dreams and your basalt eyes.

Plans? What plans?
You’re life changed day by day.
And I rode along, keeping up with the peak
Until you finally dropped me for good.

You were my first love, but never my last,
Now I know to avoid people like you.
You never matched the model,
But you sure as hell came close
But not enough.
You could never get close enough to anything.

But,
Closer, closer, we grew from the inside
Not paying attention to the other one’s needs
Because (You were all I needed)
And as long as you were fine, I assumed I was.
But that was a big mistake.

Everything we had was fiction.
A fake, nothing but words,
With no motivation to show it in reality
It was an affair of the brain—not the heart

Look at how you changed me!
Look at my body—thinning out
Falling into your old habits.
Look at my eyes—heavy with fatigue
From running the extra energy I gained for you.
Look at my hips—covered with cuts.
For now I have no outlet for my emotion.
Look at my lips—curled up in a smile
Because without you, I can now be happy.
Look how you changed me, look how I’ve changed.

I’ll never forget you, but you left no significant mark
So I know it will be easy to let you go.
But when I think of the good days, I can’t help but think
How much different you must be too.

You’re going nowhere now,
You’ll never be beautiful without me,
Day by day, you’re just going to get worse.
A bad person, but a good emotion-giver,
I know you’ll never be alive again.

So thanks for the memories, the experiences,
And the information of what to do wrong.
But now
I see you for who you are—
A selfish, sick, disposable teenager.