Wailing Poem by Nishant Rawlley

My heart wails, my eyes silent, my lips smile.
I was a fool,
To expect them to see the cries behind those grins,
I was a fool,
To expect them to understand, to feel,
But it is fine now,
I've learnt what i had to-the harder way,
Happiness is not for me,
Maybe i don't deserve it.
So He hasn't written it for me.
But yes its fine now.
I don't really care.
I'm already dead,
They killed me quite some time back.
My body though, still survives.
So i seek reasons,
Reasons to fret,
Reasons to crib,
Reasons to cry,
Reasons to sulk,
i know they say self pity is bad,
But it doesn't make sense anymore.
I've grown harder, tougher or have i?
My heart never stops grieving for her.
But it doesn't show anymore.
It doesn't matter who's by me and who's not.
Its all the same.
She was so right,
We come alone,
And alone do we go...
I see friendships reduce to formalities,
I witness relations vanish into thin air,
But it doesn't matter.
Maybe i just don't deserve a shoulder to cry,

A lap to lay down tired,
And a soul to share my feelings.
Maybe i'm destined to be dumped,
To be ditched,
To be USED and THROWN.
So its fine.
I take it.
I won't smile,
I won't rejoice.
I'll cry alone,
I'll sulk alone,
I won't seek the shoulder, the lap or the soul,
I'll survive my days all alone,
Yes, its my self imposed punishment,
But so what?
I'll punish myself wid all i can.
No it doesn't bother me.
Wat you did was a lot more painful.
But i don't blame you.
I deserve it.
I'm the most unworthy being on the earth.
So I got my dues.
My tears are worthless,
My feelings my pains unimportant.
I'm the biggest loser of all,
I've lost it all,
My love....my friendships,
I've lost it all.
Wat an idiot i was,
I always thought my friends were my strength, my world, my life,
I used to wonder how can i be alone,
Life clearly showed me how.
I've lost it all.
My love....my friendships.....
I've lost it all.
Wat an idiot i was,
I always thought my friends were my strength, my world, my life,
I used to wonder how can i be alone,
Life clearly showed me how.
I've lost it all.
My love, my elixir,
She had promised, i'll be by you like the stars wid the moon,
I fell for her promise,
Only to be left alone.
Its all gone, over, finished.
Everyone's happy and content but for me.
I continue to suffer my pains,
Again and yet again.
I'm dead,
But My corpse survives.
It will soon succumb to the ultimate silence,
The eternal sleep,
And maybe i'll ask Him,
Why was i not allowed to smile?