Which Is Worse Poem by Vallerie Lobell

It is hard to say, the pain is the same,
I lost my oldest brother tonight,
Sixteen years between the two of us,
With him I could do nothing right,

I babysat his children when I was of age,
Other than that, I stayed out of his way,
I was overly sensitive and he was a tad arrogant,
He hurt my feelings and made me cry, more times
than I care to say,

He was like our Daddy and drank too much,
His daughter was devoted to him,
I wish we had been closer,
And my skin had not been so thin,

I was called to go and see him this morning,
I got there as fast as I could,
I don't know if he knew it was me,
I stayed near him as long as I could,

But the pain he felt was more than I could bear,
It was a terrible sight to witness
Even though he was unaware,
I still love you, I wanted to insist,

The saddest part, what hurts me now,
Everyone was clueless to how I felt,
He himself never knew I had issues with him,
Standing there by his bed, all those feelings began to melt,

It's hard enough to lose those you love,
When things are as they should be,
But sadder still, I was a little sister to him,
But he died a stranger to me,