David Knox

(honestly why would i tell you? / does it matter?)

Who I Really Am


Fingers dash across keys, type, type, type
Awkwardly from one key to the next, I told myself I wouldn't write
The computer, the ginger tea, the black text in a sea of white
They subside
As a new reality has come to override

I don't want to be who I was back then...

Screams of an infernal scratching
Voices of endless chiding
Murmurs of infinite condemnation
Each word a wicked consolation speaking to a identity of hatred
Each scream a twisted affirmation of the identity of hatred
Each murmur coaxing out my identity of hatred
Thus he does emerge, the man, the monster
No it's not a scream
No it's not a voice
Not it's not a murmur it's who I am
I made those
I make those
I am those
Inadequate, incapable, inevitable, inept, invisible
Untalented, unkind, unworthy, unable, unlovable
These are lies
You know they're all true he sighs
You know that's you
Murmurs of infinite condemnation
Voices of endless chiding
Screams of an infernal scratching

I don't want to be who I was back then...

Haha I've come to bring you freedom, let you be honest, let you be me
Can't you see?
I've come to take what's mine
Cough, cough, it's dizzying, I see blood, I feel blood, I lose blood
Ground... thud... voices
tears...screams...tears
murmurs...ha nds...blood
Unlovable
scream
Scream
SCREAM
Still small voice
Whisper, no
Whisper, I am here now because of My love, and it's real
It echoes more than voices, rings stronger than screams,
Louder than murmurs, truer than the lies
And stronger than you...
But you... but this, I tried to be someone else, but I am you
You're right, because that is me
It may always be
THIS is who I really am
Whisper, let's do it together, you know who I really am
I can't, not even with you!
Whisper, I can, even with you
Know I love you, let Me heal you so you can be who you really are

This is who I really am inside
Maybe who I was back then is a part of me, that does hide
Maybe that man will never pass away
Maybe he shall continue under the delusion of what is fey
But that identity is false
That identity is a travesty of who I am, a farce
In the end I am him, but this is me.

Submitted: Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Edited: Wednesday, November 16, 2011

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