Why And How Poem by Wendy Moravec

You don't know me well
But how can I expect you to?
When I don't know myself
How can I ask you to?

I thought you'd pick up my slack
But what gives me that right?
You never agreed to do both your work and mine
Why should that be asked of you?

I reached out my hand for yours
Why did I think ours would entwine there?
You have a life of your own to live
Why should my lack of one be your concern?

I sung out the beginning of a tune
Why did I think you'd know the rest?
My brain works in odd twists and turns
Why did I think you could understand me?

I fell on the ground and lost my way
Why did I think you could guide me home?
As Winter bursts around me and buries me in ice
Why did I assume you could offer me shelter?

As the darkness surrounds me and sings it has won
Why did I think you could make the fear run and hide?
As I doubt my worth and reasons for being here
Why did I think you could offer me answers?

As another day ends and I have done nothing worthy
How can I expect you to show me I have made you proud?
When everything is going so wrong and is a nightmare
How can I think you can turn things around to be better?

As days go by and my need for help never seems to abate
Why do I wish you would offer more than I give in return?
As happy couples dance by me and I sit alone once more
Why do I feel you should offer your shoulder to cry on?

As I lose myself more inside my mind and its’ angry sadness
How can I expect you to have the power to change me?
As I fool myself again and again into thinking I will be me again
Why do I feel such anger that you haven’t answered my prayers?

I am the only one stuck inside the havoc that is my brain
How can I think you can help me escape its’ grasp?
I can’t believe this is the life you set out for me to live
Why did I think you’d lend me a hand and set me free?

The writing has been there on the wall for the world to see
Why do I keep expecting you to wipe it clean and let me start again?
If I had known this was when the best of my life should have been…
How can I turn the clock back and recapture what has slipped through my fingers?

The tears fall down my face and I feel it is too late
Why does it feel like you have given up on me, like I am lost to you?
My soul has been torn apart like cheap pieces of paper
So why do I keep looking for you in the foggy forest of my thoughts?

I keep searching for the path that had that railing you made for me
But why can I no longer see it, no matter which way I look to?
If I am not alone and you are here with me, by my side
Why is the pain so bad and the darkness so near?

If I had known the course my life would take and objected
Would you have changed things to make me less scared to live it?
If I am not crazy, if I haven’t totally lost my mind
Why do people look at me so strangely, like I am a freak?

If other people share these same trials and tribulations as I
Why do they hide themselves from me, when I need to know I am not alone?
It seems like life shows me no mercy, though I know others have it worse
But why do I feel like my pain is the worst there has ever been?

You don’t know me well, but then neither do I, isn’t that sad
When will that change, will I ever know the real me?
I expect you to know me and what is inside my whole heart
Why do I expect you to be by my side and tell me I’m not lost?

Tell me I am not lost to you.