Why does it always rain on me?
Maybe because there’s a hole in my umbrella.
*
I’m going to play with the English language.
Mother says don’t play with your food.
*
The paperboy throws the paper.
It goes through the letterbox,
Across the room,
And kills my cat.
*
In the game of life,
Only cheaters cheat.
*
In the garden of the mind,
Between the tree of knowledge,
And the cactus of wisdom
Lies the Christmas tree of stupidity.
*
A dove elegantly soaring through the sky,
Passes through a cloud.
A crow stumbles out.
*
I asked the operator to put me through
To the speaking clock in Baghdad.
I got the time all right
But the screaming was really off putting.
*
I got a call girl for Christmas,
Now whenever somebody rings she answers the phone, I swear.
That’s all she does.
All right I let her make calls for me.
Isn’t that what a call girl’s for?
*
I drove a tank to work,
You have no idea how difficult it is to park at Waitrose.
*
My dog bit the queen.
She had me muzzled.
*
I was on a roll in Las Vegas,
Then the banker took me to the cleaners.
Which I think was jolly nice of him.
*
My friend has a little voice and a big head.
Whenever she speaks
People look around for a cartoon mouse.
*
Horse racing is cruel.
They never let the horse have any champagne.
*
Dracula is the only person capable
Of leaving a blood bank with more blood than
When he went in.
*
The appearance of a cloud in California,
Is one of the signs of the apocalypse.
*
Life you can’t live with it
And you can’t live without it.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem