Your Time Poem by Herbert Nehrlich
Your Time
Silently, with awkward patience, leads the clock's metallic hand,
round and round, to all its stations, twelve in number, still and bland.
Take your eyes now off the action, tend your garden or your home
quickly slips another fraction, OFF, why not a metronome?
Tireless your heart is beating, oxygen flows in and fades,
go, my friend, another meeting, this time it's the Everglades.
Take with hands the gods once gave you, never mind those hungry eyes
see the clock, it cannot save you, soon you say your quick goodbyes.
There are several stumbling blocks in this piece. Your line 'quickly slips another fraction off', could be edited to read 'quickly slips off another fraction'. 'Oxygen flows in and fades', do you need the 'in'? I do not like the 'you' and 'your' in the last line...and believe that replacing 'you' with 'to', would read better. Ian
Beautiful piece I enjoyed that, easy on the eye thanks H top marks Chris
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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5/18/2024 9:26:02 PM # 1.0.0.1119
The omission of a comma before 'off' will be fixed. I know you mean well and appreciate your comment but there are no stumbling blocks in this poem. There would be were I to follow your suggestions. Best, H