Randy Johnson Poems

You think you have a halo over your head like Mario did in Donkey Kong.
Somewhere in that twisted mind of yours, you think you can do no wrong.
You do do wrong and it's something you'd better admit.
The people who you've crossed have just about had it.
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(This is a fictional poem)

You've been mowing the yard without a top.
People are staring and this is going to stop.
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Jesus is the greatest and he's a man who millions of people adore.
His head should be carved in a rock like we did to Mount Rushmore.
If his head gets carved, it will be a symbol of love.
It would be a fitting tribute to Jesus who is above.
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(This is a fictional poem)

My wife is an alien and this morning she laid an egg.
She may be green but she has a great pair of legs.
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I want you to know that you should be ashamed because you're a sinner.
You expect women to sleep with you just because you buy them dinner.
A woman isn't going to sleep with you just because you buy her a meal.
You're a womanizer and just being around you makes me extremely ill.
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(Dedicated to Heath Ledger who died January 22,2008.)

You starred as the joker but your death was no joke.
Millions of your fans now have hearts that are broke.
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After I voted for George Bush in 2004, I learned that it was an unfortunate mistake.
I'm angry because he gave the oil companies an eighteen million dollar tax break.
The people are the ones who need a break, not the oil companies.
Bush only cares about the rich and I'm sure that everybody agrees.
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(This is a true story)

A man is going to die unless he can get a new lung.
He's middle aged but if he dies, he'll still be too young.
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(This is a fictional poem)

Two years ago I bought a dog that can talk and fly.
If I said that he's intelligent, I would be telling a lie.
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(This is a fictional poem)

A bunch of punks stole my glasses.
I tried very hard to kick their asses.
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