Margaret Kollmer Poems

Our Elton who art in fairyland
Mellow is thy name.
Turn thou an elegant eye
on our pumps of gold
...

In 1977 the Springboks beat England, Italy and France in one tour and this provided the 'inspiration' to commemorate the event, using as many names of the team, venues and food as possible. Anything to do with the great game fell prey to the glorious pun or facetious word play:

Annihilation Menu
...

Laugh, Pierrot, laugh
Don't let them see you cry
Though taut be your life strings
whither thee
...

Do not ask for miracles....
Only that anyone whose life you've touched
should know
you cared enough to look inside
...

Women disdain
The obsequious swain.
...

The pity of it all is that South Africans are having to bear the brunt of all the Asian imports that are currently flooding our shores and stores. There was a time when a Size 14 meant exactly that but now it has become just another name for a Size 2. Everything resembles the kind of clothing worn by Oriental Barbie except that it doesn’t come in see-through pre-packs.

For myself, being nothing near a Size 2, I am forced to hunt high and low for at least a Size 64. As if this wasn’t enough, I also find myself having to take at least twelve cold baths a day in the hope that each dip will cause me to shrink in the same proportion as the clothing made from this summer’s crease-insistant cotton fabrics.
...

How unassuming the humble oak
In contrast to such shameless folk
Who flaunt their scant maturity
By hanging posters on a tree.
...

Reverse backwards
Absolutely ideal
Almost nearly
Almost complete
...

They're changing guard at Buckingham Palace
Replacing the horses with rams, sez Alice
No more do they kick - they only byte
Their fyshe and chips working through the night
...

James Clarke, the funniest columnist in South Africa, hosts a special place in his column for 'pomes' as against poems. He says pomes are awful verses but he can't stop his readers from 'unindating' his column with them.

One of James' loyal readers, Barry, wrote to him suggesting that James find a 'pote laureate', i.e. the writer of the very worst pome. When James advertised this fact in his column, he spelled 'laureate' 'loreate' in keeping with the spelling of 'pome' as against poem.
...